Having trouble today

So here I am day 5 and having strong urges to find a computer and go online, I swear the only thing stopping me is an empty bank account.  I could make a deposit from our business and I'm seriously thinking about it.  The online casino I was playing on offered me a tournament with my favorite slot.  I was like I gotta play, I gotta play its my favorite.  Its like they know what draws me in.  I'm still recovering from shoulder surgery, in pain, lonely, bored, miserable, home bound.  I keep going from optimistic to feeling totally defeated, went to see my old boss today after physical therapy to see if he would take me back when I was better.  He said yes, whenever I get better, I know working would help alot but it looks like leg surgery is next on the list in a couple of months. I'll be totally home bound then, no way I'll be able to drive anywhere.  Now my good ideas for avoidance seem stupid and my creativity has disappeared again.  I even took daily strength off my favorites yesterday because I'm like I shouldn't be wasting the time of other people, I can't make it, I know I can't. I'm a mental case, I don't have what it takes like you all do. I swear the only thing likely to keep me from gambling today is that my arm is killing me and I don't feel like I can even make a deposit.  Hooray for pain. Seriously, I'm wishing everyone a swift recovery, as for me, I'm doomed. I except that now. I have failed this lifetime, maybe I'll have better luck next time around. Good bye and thank you.