Having trouble today
So here I am day 5 and having strong urges to find a computer and go online, I swear the only thing stopping me is an empty bank account. I could make a deposit from our business and I'm seriously thinking about it. The online casino I was playing on offered me a tournament with my favorite slot. I was like I gotta play, I gotta play its my favorite. Its like they know what draws me in. I'm still recovering from shoulder surgery, in pain, lonely, bored, miserable, home bound. I keep going from optimistic to feeling totally defeated, went to see my old boss today after physical therapy to see if he would take me back when I was better. He said yes, whenever I get better, I know working would help alot but it looks like leg surgery is next on the list in a couple of months. I'll be totally home bound then, no way I'll be able to drive anywhere. Now my good ideas for avoidance seem stupid and my creativity has disappeared again. I even took daily strength off my favorites yesterday because I'm like I shouldn't be wasting the time of other people, I can't make it, I know I can't. I'm a mental case, I don't have what it takes like you all do. I swear the only thing likely to keep me from gambling today is that my arm is killing me and I don't feel like I can even make a deposit. Hooray for pain. Seriously, I'm wishing everyone a swift recovery, as for me, I'm doomed. I except that now. I have failed this lifetime, maybe I'll have better luck next time around. Good bye and thank you.
Replies
Ok for starters, we all felt the same way you do right now. You are not wasting anybodys time. You are worth it. Thank God someone thought I was worth it when I felt like you do today. Pull up your big girl panties and get your self together. You can do it. Take one minute at a time if thats what you need or one second and say I will not gamble today!!! Thats all it takes is I will not gamble today. One day at a time. Don\'t forget we are here for you.
Hugs Steph
You can do this! You are not wasting anyone\'s time! That is what we are here for. If it wasn\'t for this site and everyone here, I couldn\'t have done what I have done. PLEASE don\'t give up so soon!! It takes a while to over come the urges, but it is a fight that is well worth it! Being home-bound makes things so much harder. Maybe if you try reading or something else to keep your mind busy. Please hang in there and don\'t give up. You are in my prayers!! Peace and Love. Patty
Thank you both for your support, I actually did make it, today is day number 9. I actually tried to gamble on my sons computer when everyone was asleep. Ironically his computer had a virus and I could only access websites and not download any casinos. I wasn\'t able to gamble no matter how much I tried to fix his computer (2 hours). Sometimes this makes me wonder if something isn\'t watching over me and trying to help. Probably just a coincidence, nice to think our creator might care though. I have to take my mom on a casino junket from this wednesday to saturday. I\'m actually not looking forward to it (which is good) I\'ve gotten over craving casinos its just the online stuff I have major problems with now. (which I think is worse) The only problem is that going to regular old casinos kinda kicks start the online craving. It has been getting better, day by day. I\'m going to try hangin on. Thanx all again, blessings to you all