Having trouble letting go of our life together.
I'm having a hard night tonight. I know that Chuck is gone, but I would give anything to see him walk in the room. I think that it is the time of year that is making it emotionally hard for me. Last year, at this time, he was having symptoms but we didn't know what was wrong. I carefully bagged up some leaves yesterday to take to our city compost pile. I started to shed some tears, probably because this is something that Chuck took care of. He always bagged them up and took them to the compost. The holidays are approaching, so that adds to the emotions as well.
My knee is recovering well. Thankfully, there aren't majoy long lasting complications resulting from the dislocation. I see the doc the 11th. He wants to see how things are going. He doesn't want me working until then, so that is hard. Going to work got me out of the house and with people. Now, for the past 2 weeks, I've been taking it easy because of my knee.
I know I have people who care, but what I really miss is someone to hug and hold me at night. I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels that way. I have a staff meeting in the morning, so that will be good to be able to talk to coworkers.
I will make it. I just have to convince myself that my partner is gone and mentally let him go. That is so hard to do.
My knee is recovering well. Thankfully, there aren't majoy long lasting complications resulting from the dislocation. I see the doc the 11th. He wants to see how things are going. He doesn't want me working until then, so that is hard. Going to work got me out of the house and with people. Now, for the past 2 weeks, I've been taking it easy because of my knee.
I know I have people who care, but what I really miss is someone to hug and hold me at night. I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels that way. I have a staff meeting in the morning, so that will be good to be able to talk to coworkers.
I will make it. I just have to convince myself that my partner is gone and mentally let him go. That is so hard to do.
Replies
I truly believe that not working is adding to the emotional impact you are having. Everyone misses loved ones at this time of year and is okay that you do. It hasn\'t been that long and these are your first holidays without Chuck. He is probably up there saying, way to go honey - you bagged the leaves and maybe I should have let you help me all those years - LOL. Try to hold on the the laughs, the good times and it\'s okay to cry and be sad. He was such a part of your life. I know that I too will be facing what you are facing one of these days - just don\'t know when. Outcome for my husband is \"it is not if the cancer is going to come back full force but when\". We just plug along with chemo, tests, etc. Know that we are all thinking of you and that no matter how many are without their mates, it is okay to feel what you are feeling. It is real. You do have a strength about you and you will be okay. Thank God for your children and grand children - they will certainly bring some light into this holiday season for you. Know that I\'m thinking of you and hoping each day will get a little better and you will get a little stronger. By the way - he is walking through that door every single time you think of him - he\'s walking through with a smile on his face and how proud he is of you. Love, Sue
The letting go is very hard to do. My Janelle has been gone 9 months now. Still is seems absolutely wrong that she is not here. Longing for the touch and embrace of another partner is part of the process I think. I know I have had the same feelings. On one \"date\" with a friend, it felt good just to put my arm around her waist as we crossed a street. No romance involved in this friendship, but I did enjoy the touch of a lady again. I fear the holiday season is going to be hard on many of us. Janelle made the holidays extraordinary. Now with her gone, the kids grown and gone, it\'s a whole new experience. I must find some way to make the holidays special for those of us she left behind. Me, her sister, and her uncle are all living alone. We used to get together on the holidays, but Janelle was the common thread. With her gone, I don\'t know how the others will respond to an invitation from me. I know the path is hard, I pray God will give you peace and comfort.
Eddie
Thankyou Sue and Eddie for your comforting words and taking the time to read my rambling words. Today is bettter emotionally, but my leg has been hurting more. Maybe it\'s the weather; we are due to have a front come through with colder weather. I did get 5 more big bags of leaves taken today. Little by little, it will get done. My boys offered, but guess they are busy. take care....Nancy
I just wanted to give you some hugs today, Sorry I am a bit late for your Journal. I lost my dad almost 5 years ago and I know it can be hard, so I wanted to let you know that I am here for you. Hugs xxx