having the blues again

It is now more then 2 months ago since I lost my son.
From time to time I started to feel a little better. Some days even having fun again and being myself again. It felt so weird being a "happy" person again.
Now the fall is coming and I start to feel depressed again. This month my son should have been born and we would become an even happier family.  Why did this happen to us??
Nothing was found, he was perfectly healthy and nothing was wrong with me. He was so beautiful!! Oh I wish I could hold him again in my arms, I miss him soooo much!!He made me feel like the most beautiful person in the world and I just loved to have him so close to me, feel him. I try to think about those beautiful moments and I will cherish them forever!!