Having lots of trouble!

I am being honest in saying I am having SO MUCH DIFFICULTY with keeping to a diet... My bingeing at night is pretty much out of control on most nights, tonight I ate 5 pieces of toast after dinner followed by 3 chocolate bars and a hot cocoa. I dont know how I fit this in after dinner really - I've been having all this stuff on top of the sandra cabot diet plan that I feel i'm just wasting my time and money on the shakes part. I've had one successful experience before with the Tony Ferguson but I am still suffering from Grief with losing my family member that lived with me here and feeling so fatigued and wondering if that has anything to do with it. I've also been rather bored and in lack of some solid friendship's that are deep or supportive. So I don't deserve to have anything for points on my goal for eating but I've been exercising regularly so that will at least not let me put on as much as not exercising - however I am disappointed in myself. I feel disalussioned, and like I will never reach my goals.  I feel like I am self loathing and ruining my chances by not using enough self control. It's crazy how much the pull is to make these mistakes though.. anyway - to the future i'm not going to give up yet but I need to re-equip somehow and maybe come online here for support instead of running away to bad foods and lonliness.