Having a set back.......
I had an upset over the weekend that had me step back and - once again - look at my life. The friend who took care of my cats while I was gone set up an appointment at a clinic for one of my babies who is going blind and whose one eye is showing signs of swelling. She apparently arranged for a group that helps out people in financial need to pay for the visit, only I misunderstood, thinking I had to get the paperwork in first before they paid anything.
So I just paid. She was FURIOUS!!! Totally made me wrong and I felt like I was some sort of major screw up. And she was unrelenting, like repeating herself over and over about how she absolutely told me the visit was paid for. Somehow it didn't register and - for her - there seemed to be no room for a mistake.
So I had a tough time fighting off the downward spiral. I just got back from a l-o-n-g week of training where I sat on my butt for 4 days from 8 am to 5:30 or later. Lots of dry info that doesn't relate to what I'll be doing, so I'm back today with no direction. I've never worked in an office before and I'm ultimately to be out in the community and doing presentations, but I have no resources to support me in doing this, even after the training.
So I'm stuck in an office with virtually nothing to do. I just spent 2 1/2 weeks trying to fill up 4 hours a day sitting here and thought I'd come back and jump into something more interesting. But it's not to be today......
There was a time when I was bubbly and charismatic and had lots of friends and a life. None of that exists right now; I don't know what my "lesson" is during this lull or how I'm supposed to grow as a person. I sure don't feel as tho anything is pulling me forward.
Not experiencing a full -blown depression; just a dreary malaise where nothing is of interest, nothing changes. I know ultimately, that I can't depend on the 3D world to make me happy and that it's an inside job. I just feel really empty inside and know I can't quit or give up, but not having a very good time of it all...........
Blessings,
Andrea
So I just paid. She was FURIOUS!!! Totally made me wrong and I felt like I was some sort of major screw up. And she was unrelenting, like repeating herself over and over about how she absolutely told me the visit was paid for. Somehow it didn't register and - for her - there seemed to be no room for a mistake.
So I had a tough time fighting off the downward spiral. I just got back from a l-o-n-g week of training where I sat on my butt for 4 days from 8 am to 5:30 or later. Lots of dry info that doesn't relate to what I'll be doing, so I'm back today with no direction. I've never worked in an office before and I'm ultimately to be out in the community and doing presentations, but I have no resources to support me in doing this, even after the training.
So I'm stuck in an office with virtually nothing to do. I just spent 2 1/2 weeks trying to fill up 4 hours a day sitting here and thought I'd come back and jump into something more interesting. But it's not to be today......
There was a time when I was bubbly and charismatic and had lots of friends and a life. None of that exists right now; I don't know what my "lesson" is during this lull or how I'm supposed to grow as a person. I sure don't feel as tho anything is pulling me forward.
Not experiencing a full -blown depression; just a dreary malaise where nothing is of interest, nothing changes. I know ultimately, that I can't depend on the 3D world to make me happy and that it's an inside job. I just feel really empty inside and know I can't quit or give up, but not having a very good time of it all...........
Blessings,
Andrea
Replies
Sending you hugs Andrea, I am sorry to hear about your cat and your job.
You need to find an island o f happiness to sustain you through the rough times. I think your friend was upset because she worked hard to do something nice for you and you blew it. That would have upset me too. I suggest you try a little harder to find SOMETHING positive in your life. Enjoy your kitties!
I completely understand that you would feel upset. You are only human , not perfect and you made a simple mistake.Just like we all do with numerous things.So personally I think your friend was being too intense and should have given you a break and backed off.If wasn\'t such a big deal so don\'t beat yourself up my friend.I find that you have so much positive about you.You are a valuable friend to me and you have really helped me think more positive.You are kind and sensitive and spiritual by nature.The beautiful quotations you send me are really fantastic.I just wish I could give more back to you.I have this picture in my mind of me recovering from my illness and coming to see you one day.That bubbly charismatic you is still there . It\'s just the hardships of life that are presently suppressing your inner joy.I have the same struggle.Things can still change.The possibility is there.You are very resilient.You never give up.How positive is that hey .Hope your kitty will be alright.Love to you my friend xoxoxo
Thanks, everyone!!!! I\'m just a bit vulnerable right now and obviously took her comments personally. It\'s just her way. (Her recent - rather caustic msg was, \"I\'ve left you 3 msgs!!!! This isn\'t about YOU, it\'s about Moonbeam! I was at work and didn\'t get the msg \'til I got home...) When I spoke with her (with great trepidation, she was just fine; couldn\'t understand why - if I only work for 4 hours, I wouldn\'t have been home when she called......) It\'s just her way. She\'s absolutely committed to helping my cat and not so sensitive when it comes to her interaction with me. I appreciate her for being so tenacious and have a tendency to feel like a total screw up in situations like this. Blessings to you all.
(Moonbeam is tolerating - barely - having 3 different scripts put in his eyes each day. Thanks for your prayers for both of us!)