Having a rough night.
My husband decided on his own that we were going to go and bbq at a friend's house for July 4th tomorrow. In attendance will be a couple we just had a rough time with that he has expressed frustration with, as well as I have to him, who have really made things difficult for us. He didn't talk to me before he made these plans because "he figured that if I wanted to do something specific I would have told him before now" and told me that if I didn't want to go I could stay home.
What hurts so bad is that the people we are going to go see already has three children and the woman is happily pregnant with her fourth child. Visibly pregnant. I don't want to go over there and force myself to be happy while having to watch her and listen to her talk about her pregnancy. It's been a year since my miscarriage but I still have these bitter moments, especially when it's someone I've been around personally and I have had such bad thoughts about the whole thing because of the drama we just went through. All I keep thinking to myself is "it's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair".
I can't tell him that I feel like he's intentionally putting himself around other people's children to get what he's not getting at home. It makes me feel like I'm a failure for not giving him a child yet. I feel like he's choosing these other people over me and wanting to immerse himself in their problems so that he can forget ours. I feel so alone.I don't know what to think or how to feel. I just can't concentrate on the abandonment I feel at this very moment.
What hurts so bad is that the people we are going to go see already has three children and the woman is happily pregnant with her fourth child. Visibly pregnant. I don't want to go over there and force myself to be happy while having to watch her and listen to her talk about her pregnancy. It's been a year since my miscarriage but I still have these bitter moments, especially when it's someone I've been around personally and I have had such bad thoughts about the whole thing because of the drama we just went through. All I keep thinking to myself is "it's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair".
I can't tell him that I feel like he's intentionally putting himself around other people's children to get what he's not getting at home. It makes me feel like I'm a failure for not giving him a child yet. I feel like he's choosing these other people over me and wanting to immerse himself in their problems so that he can forget ours. I feel so alone.I don't know what to think or how to feel. I just can't concentrate on the abandonment I feel at this very moment.
Replies
This IF journey takes such a toll on each of us, wives and husbands and its so important to guard our marriages from the damage this journey can cause. I am so sorry that the two of you are struggling and not quite on the same page.
I hope your 4th turned out to be better than what you expected.
I\'m sorry that you had such a rough night. I totally understand how you feel about being around someone who is happily preggo. It\'s like you almost feel bad for feeling the way you do, but at the same time you have to think of yourself first and keep away from things and people who will bring you down right now. I\"m going through the same thing and all I can say is that you should talk to your hubby about the way you feel and I hope he will understand. I think it\'s so different for men than it is for us, we tend to feel it so much more. I\'m wishing for the best for you.
Ugh, sorry! I know you feel alone, and I\'m not sure if you feel any better knowing we all feel the same way!! Your hubby might have been well intentioned to make plans, but like the ladies said men don\'t get quite how we feel about all this. I had a similar experience a few weeks ago. My husband invited us over for a BBQ with a couple. Let\'s list the reason this sucked.
1. It was father\'s day (I lost my dad and stepdad 4 years ago).
2. The couple literally just brought home a baby (that which they started to conceive way into our journey... not that it matters!), and they have another kid (who I find annoying- is that mean?).
3. Another couple came with two kids and we spent the whole night surrounded by the kids, talking about kids, talking about pregnancy, etc.
4. Did I mention I also don\'t eat meat lately sooo there was nothing for me to eat except for the pasta salad I brought??
I really wanted to not go, but I didn\'t speak up for myself. I have fun with these people, but I feel bad when the kids are around. And I knew myself, I was miserable afterwards. I think it upsets him a very little bit to be around kids, but not like me. I have to know that I don\'t have to be attached to my husband because he made plans with \"our\" friends, if he wants to subject himself to that, fine by me!
It wasn\'t so bad as I thought it was going to be. The woman who I have had words with who is pregnant barely showed up because she and her boyfriend have no respect for the woman who is housing them and helping them out. She\'s supposed to be on bedrest but she was up walking around in heels and going to bbqs, everywhere but where she\'s supposed to be living.
The friend we originally went to see was amazing, her four girls were adorable and sweet. Overall I\'m glad we went. Thank you for your words of support, ladies ^_^