Having a meltdown
I need to just vent things out in words so I don't blow it all over anyone in my family or my friends who are getting a tad tired of it all.
He left me in August and that has created a hot mess for me in every possible fashion.
I have not handled it all that well or maturely at times. But that is what it is. I am moving forward one baby step at a time.
I am about to turn 54 years old. I have a 22 year old daughter in college who is remarkable. I wish I could financially help her but since the ass left I cannot do much. She is about 3 hours away from me and I can't afford the gas to go see her. My 26 year old son recently married an amazing woman and is moving from Georgia to Tennessee and just bought their first house.
That Makes Me so happy.
I have decided I do not want to stay in this city. I love my job as I love the children but the pay is crap and they treated me like crap this past year. It became a hostile work environment. And I am not the only only to feel that, people are quitting like crazy.
So now what Amy? I could move to Georgia and live with my oldest friend and try to find work there. She wants me there badly. Jobs are hard as hell to find in Brunswick, though it is a lovely place.
My parents are nearly 80 years old and live 3 hours north of me. My dad continues to work 6 days a week, running his own business. They are sitting on two huge pieces of property that are full of stuff....I cannot begin to explain how much there is.
And my 97 year old blind grandmother is 3 hours north of my parents in Pennsylvania in a nursing home/assisted living. My mom has to go up every week or two to check on her and deal with her.
I think it is time for me to move back north....
As time is rolling by I am realizing I want to be with my family as long as they are on this earth.
He left me in August and that has created a hot mess for me in every possible fashion.
I have not handled it all that well or maturely at times. But that is what it is. I am moving forward one baby step at a time.
I am about to turn 54 years old. I have a 22 year old daughter in college who is remarkable. I wish I could financially help her but since the ass left I cannot do much. She is about 3 hours away from me and I can't afford the gas to go see her. My 26 year old son recently married an amazing woman and is moving from Georgia to Tennessee and just bought their first house.
That Makes Me so happy.
I have decided I do not want to stay in this city. I love my job as I love the children but the pay is crap and they treated me like crap this past year. It became a hostile work environment. And I am not the only only to feel that, people are quitting like crazy.
So now what Amy? I could move to Georgia and live with my oldest friend and try to find work there. She wants me there badly. Jobs are hard as hell to find in Brunswick, though it is a lovely place.
My parents are nearly 80 years old and live 3 hours north of me. My dad continues to work 6 days a week, running his own business. They are sitting on two huge pieces of property that are full of stuff....I cannot begin to explain how much there is.
And my 97 year old blind grandmother is 3 hours north of my parents in Pennsylvania in a nursing home/assisted living. My mom has to go up every week or two to check on her and deal with her.
I think it is time for me to move back north....
As time is rolling by I am realizing I want to be with my family as long as they are on this earth.
Replies
Hey Amy
Meltdowns are allowed, \'s\'oksounds like a lot of stuff has been building up inside, best to let it out. In reading your post, sounds like you have decided what to do, and from what you have said, it seems a wise choice. Having a good friend nearby can make things so much easier to bear. Family is a great source of strength and a bond we should always seek to strengthen whenever we can. Ok, so your daughter is a long drive away, BUT she is only a few seconds away on Skype or some other video/audio chat program, and you CAN do that as often as you both like right? Not hard to set up either, plenty of advice on their site in how to set it up - most laptop computers have a webcam and microphone built in, if not, separate webcams are dirt cheap these days and easy to set up. As for your ex being as difficult as possible, that is about to finish fairly soon - you have made it this far, you can handle the rest of the journey, you know you can. Take care x
Thanks for your words of support. We can skype I guess. Mostly she is busy with work and her boyfriend. I used to use skype and maybe need to try that again, though it\'d require a new webcam. And I think my mic is shot.
I have a lot to think about. I do believe it is wisest for me to move back up there and help the folks out (who think they do not need it). Other than my friend in Georgia and one in Maine, my closest dearest friends and all of my immediate family are in Maryland. I miss the hell out of my brother and his 4 kids. Yep, decision made. Just need to figure out how to make that happen and when.
And as for the worries about 54hmmm, well 5+4 is only 9, so think like a kid again without limits, yes? Hard part\'s over - decision made, soooojust trust the how will show itself as needed. I try not to worry about the how part once I set a goal, it seems to present itself at the opportune time if I trust it will. Keep focused on how you want it to be, do your best to ignore the negatives.
Ha! Trying to find the 9 year old me, and I have to say that was not a banner year or summer. But it is stuck in my head and will be forever. I was molested, for starers. Sorry if that is TMI but it kicked off a lot of other crap down the road. The happy part was spending two weeks with my grandparents in the mountains of Pennsylvania. I am closer to my grandmother than I am to my mom, still. That was the summer I was hanging out on the porch with my great-grandfather and being the clutz that I am , I tripped over my own beach towel and landed my right eye on the cast iron bumper of my grandfather\'s jeep. The eye was ok, but it left a mark. I kind of treasure that scar now because of who I was with when it happened. The only surgery I ever had. The Doc was amazing. My grandmother ordered that he be the one to treat me. He was the father of my mom\'s high school boyfriend. He nicknamed me Pete. I was terrified, and there was blood all over the flipping place. So I am a hot mess of a 9 year old girl who looks like someone punched her in the face. And my self esteem was already pretty much crap.
So I stay with them. And then my grandmother\'s beloved best friend, her dog, had to be put down. It was horrifying to watch her make that decision, and to see why it had to happen...and yet....for the first time ever I saw my grandparents get into bed together and sleep and cry and comfort each other. They kept separate rooms, other than that night.
Now I am sobbing and that\'s ok.
Trying to summon up a happy 9 year old Amy memory...
I read all 864 pages of \"Gone With the Wind\" that summer. And who knows what else. My nose was always in a book. I value the time with my wonderful great grandfather who passed away the next year. I am sure when I went home I hung out with my besties at the time, Lori and Tracie.
I do think I longed for the school year to start again so I could ignore everything else.
Thanks for hearing me out, anyone who reads it.