Having a bad day.....

Just feeling blah today...doesn't help that I am sick too and have way too much time to think.  I am digging deep trying to find that strength. I hate being in the house when he is there..I usually just go in my room and lock that door and watch TV. Its almost as thought I am a prisoner in my own home.  He works evenings so the evenings that he is gone is so peaceful..it like a relief when he walks out that door...a weight lifted off my shoulders. Tonight isn't one of those nights...he is off!!  So when I get home from work he will be there...chances are something will set him off and he will yell at me about something..even though I say nothing to him..something will get him going...he can't go a day without telling me that I am stupid, crazy, useless... I use to react and I know he liked that but now I say nothing..I just walk away...go in my room...lock my door...wondering how my life came to this...I had such hopes and dreams... I will never let him see me cry...to see me cry gives him power...slowly day by day I am taking that power away from him.....he can't control me and he can't hurt me if I don't let his words get to me....if I stay strong...stay focused...and contine to play my escape....... 

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

plan my escape.....
deleted_user
deleted_user

What a beautiful picture and beautiful family! I just love it. You\'re a very lucky woman. And, they\'re very lucky to have you.

I\'m so sorry that you\'re feeling bad today. Everyone has those, that\'s for sure. You just stay strong and make a path in the right direction for yourself and you\'re family. You first though. That\'s one thing that I have learned. In order for me to function \"as me\", the true me - I have to make things work for me too - not just someone else. Then and only then can my family see me for who I am and can then, help them make better decisions about their own lives. Am I making sense?

You just take care of \"you\" tonight. I\'ll be thinking of you resting! LOL
deleted_user
deleted_user

I\'m so sorry you\'re feeling bad. I agree with Nan. You won\'t be any good for your kids unless you are sane and healthy. It\'s like the thing they tell you on an airplane. You put the oxygen mask on you FIRST, then your kids. Keep your power and continue making your plan. You WILL get through this. Hugs!!!!
deleted_user
deleted_user

who is he?? The man you married? how pathetic! Lifes too short to be miserable.