Having a Bad Day

I'm having a bad day today.  There seems to be so much going on in my life that my plate is overflowing.  I'm having adverse reactions to the antidepressant I'm on but I need to let my body adjust to it for a little while longer before I can try something else.  Two weeks ago I went to the clinic for "heartburn" and they sent me to the hospital for heart tests.  The hospital kept me overnight and ran all kinds of tests.  In the morning I had a stress test with dye.  Fortunately everything checked out ok and I went home the next day.  But I didn't tell my husband because I'm no longer his concern and I didn't have anybody with me at the hospital.  I sent my daughter home because what 19 yr old wants to sit at the hospital all night.  So it was very lonely.  I just kept thinking when my father in law was in the hospital, we ALL went to see him.  Kids, grandkids, everybody and without my husband's family, I really have no one but my kids.  Anyway, today I had an MRI done and once again they shot me up with the dye for better viewing and my body had a flush from it.  Kind of what I'm feeling on the Celexa.  A sort of hot, tingling feeling all over.  On top of all that, along with my husband leaving, I may have to cancel our trip to Florida because my son (18 yr) got an MIP and the judge declined his request to travel.  So tomorrow we have to go to the court and pretty much beg them to let him go.  I don't want to let my daughter down but I don't want to leave my son home for a week alone either.  His dad is supposed to stay at the house, but my son won't stay here is dad is here.  It's a complete mess.  Also, today I stopped by my inlaws just to say hi and I was informed that my husband has started working out in the back yard.  He never worked out at home and my first reaction is who is he trying to impress.  Guess he's gotta get that body ready for the single life.  Bastard.  My head is telling me to accept that it's truly over, but my heart just can't.  I cannot for the life of me understand how a person that I lived with and loved for 23 years can just wipe me out of his life as if I never existed.  As if our love never existed.  I know he had time (probably years) to adjust to the fact that he would leave one day, but I'm still hurting from the 2x4 that hit me across the head when he moved out (figuratively speaking).    I just want to feel good again.  Normal.  Will my life ever be normal again?  It sure doesn't feel like it will.  I'm so angry and so hurt and so overwhelmed today.  I really need God in my corner and yet I know there are people in this world who need him more than I do for just a broken heart.  I talk to Him everyday and ask what He may have in store for me.  I wonder what I've done to deserve this heartache, and anxiety and fear.  I know someday it will be better, but I want that someday to be now.  I just want to be happy again.  I want to laugh again and enjoy my children and my life and I'm stuck in this pain.  No money, no friends, no family - well I do have family but I've lost my husbands family for now.  Although my inlaws don't necessarily like what he's doing, they support him 100%.  They just "want him to be happy".  Now you know where he gets it from.  They've coddled him his whole life and now that he's living back in their house, they are coddlng him once more.  No wonder he's so selfish and selfcentered.  It was all about him when he was growing up and it's all about him now.  What about our happiness.  If this was my son I would be smacking him upside his head and asking him what the hell do you think you're doing.  You made a committment to your family now go honor it.  But they wont do that.  Anyway, as you can see, I'm having a bad day.  I cried today for the first time in 5 days.  Just feeling sad.  Hopefully tomorrow will be better.