Haven’t journaled in awhile.

 It’s been a while since I have journaled.  A lot has changed I have become dependent on medication and doctors.Currently I am unemployed and struggling with money because I am disabled but yet cannot get on Social Security waiting for a hearing. Which is disheartening because I put  myself through school after my divorce to become an accountant.  I was a hairstylist for 20 years and told that that job is too stressful and too hard on my body with the diseases that I had.  So being a responsible single mom I put myself through school by working as a stylist and studying nights weekends at any point in time that I could.  Now it is become that I cannot even perform that job without the constant daily migraine.  Christmas is coming up and I feel horrible because all my money will be going to Bill’s I’m frustrated I have never had to depend on anybody I’ve always worked hard. I have a wonderful partner who is a wonderful father and stepfather he understands what I’m going through and is very supportive I cannot complain about that.I lay awake at night with things anxiety thinking about all the things that I can accomplish I cannot get done I take pills to sleep I take pills to wake up a take pills to get through the day I have to wait to take pills so I can drive my son to school in agony and that I can come home and take the pills I need at just the right time so I can still pick him up from school.  I’ve missed a lot of things in my sons life by being sick he plays hockey which I know it’s expensive but is the only thing that he does and asks for he’s been in it since he was two I do not know how I’m gonna pay his next bill on December 1.  I just feel like I cannot let him down again because his mom is always sick he deserves better.