Haven't done this in a bit
I haven't written in a bit here, but I feel compelled to do so. My post divorce relationship is not going well. I need to get out, but I have a hard time hurting someone, barring the fact he is hurting me (purposely, I think) to make me do it. The partying, lack of motivation, no job, etc. I need out, but at the same time I'm anxiety ridden all over again bc of not having a soul in my life. I'm dwelling bc my kids are gone with their dad. I see his relationship and them doing stuff with skank and I just get sad all over again. I'm being used on all levels with everyone...it hurts. I'm in need of a Xanax now just to keep from shaking from thinking of it all. It's not like I'm in my 20's and can easily meet people. Really I need to accept I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life.
Replies
Hey there, take a deep breath and get out of the bad relationship. You have us to lean. Then take bit of time to be just you. we all are going through this so know there are plenty of folk who will be ready , in the future, to share a life with you. Big hugs for now!
Are you in counseling? I couldn\'t survive without my counselor. Please get out of this relationship.
Hugs to you
Lori, I haven\'t done counseling in some time. A counselor isn\'t going to tell me anything I don\'t already know. I\'m just trying to figure it all out for myself. And yes, I know I need to get out. It\'s not healthy right now. I\'m just not one that likes to hurt anyone, even myself in the long run.
I think we look and try to change others, but in the end, you can\'t. All this stuff happened within a matter of two months, and I\'m seeing someone I don\'t like. Unfortunately I adore his teens and I have plans with them, over the next few weeks. Just a lot I need to sort out in my brain.
And on the counselor level I do need to find another one or at least see my old one to catch up. Maybe she can give me some insight, however, she\'s not the insight type and is very clinical.
L,
In the long run it\'s better to be honest and up front with them. Yes it will hurt but it makes it easier to move on. Always tough when you see the Ex moving on and seemingly having no problems but remember it always looks greener on the other side. You just be you, I think everyone will agree that\'s a pretty special person in there and you need to realize how great you are. Hugs!
I think you may have jumped in without giving it a lot of thought because of the skank. You don\'t have to settle! Do what is good for you! Just because there is no one on the horizon doesn\'t mean you are going to be alone forever. Enjoy life on your own. It\'s not so bad! I haven\'t had a date in 6 months but I\'m am really content with life right now. I think I needed the time alone and yet I NEVER felt like I was alone! You might want to try it and it might be healthy for you!
Hugs and prayers!
diane
I have been alone before, actually for a long time. I just think I need to be content with that for the long haul. I\'m not so willing to give up my heart easily and as time goes on and in the end the same stuff keeps happening I\'m willing to just lock that part of me up.
Again I\'m just looking to release my feelings here. I know what I need to do. I know I am special. People call me sweet, I truly know that is me. However, sweet doesn\'t cut it. It gets you nowhere in life.
(((HUGS)))
llmt - I am very good-natured and relatively laid back, but I am also VERY WISE (just another gift of divorce) and can tell you that it\'s much better to nip things in the bud than to continue to let them drag on to your own demise!
You KNOW this relationship you are in isn\'t healthy -- and you say you \"don\'t want to hurt him\" WTF? Do you really THINK he cares about you except for sex and a meal ticket? Sorry to be so blunt, but sometimes the reality shot is what is needed to motivate! Throw the bum out and keep him out! If you are wasting time on someone like him, you limit the opportunities for someone decent to come into your life.
You deserve SO MUCH BETTER! Please, take this to heart! xoxox
WEll, sorry, that you find yourself in an unhappy situation, again, it seems to never end! Big hugs, and sending you support! Cowgirl does make a good point about your needing to take care of yourself first, and put your feelings first, over his.....especially considering what you said, partying, etc, and even the way you don\'t feel like you like him anyways. By ignoring your feelings, you will create your own extra stress, and that can\'t be good. You are supposed to be your own best friend, and being by yourself for a few months or even years, but happy with yourself, and your boys, is far better than having some dude who could be modeling some \"user and loser\" behavior to your boys, right???? Yup, you know what you have to do, and you can do it civily, and in love. You can simply tell him, that you aren\'t happy, and you need to continue to nurture yourself, and develop more things in your life, and that he simply isn\'t supportive of that, nor has he shown that he has embraced that, nor considered your needs, to the level you are comfortable with. Just tell him, I\'m looking for a husband, and a long term partner,....and by that point, he may want to run like hell!!! lol But a long term partner who is really my partner, not what he\'s been doing!!!