Have to stop asking for help....
Prior to my illness, there was only one time that I ever tried to get public assistance - or any kind of assistance of any kind, really, other than asking my parents for help, which was really more my ex-late-husband's idea in the first place, if you want the truth. That was when I was going through my divorce. I applied for heating assistance, and was denied because my ex-late husband had applied using my information and my daughter's information, as if we were living with him.
You hear a lot about "fraud" when it comes to assistance, but he was never brought up on charges, to my knowledge, because of his fraud. He prevented me from getting assistance by claiming that we lived with him, and received benefits for us, and never served any consequences that I saw.
Since 2008 I have constantly been in a state of panic because I cannot survive on what little I can manage to bring in - first, on TANF, then on Social Security. I've had food stamps, heating assistance, etc., and now I still have not got enough income to manage, but do not qualify for any type of assistance.
So I have to find a way to pare down my life to fit my budget. But I look around, and I see rents I cannot afford, heating costs I cannot afford, and just about everything is out of my price range, really. How the "state" thinks that anyone can survive on $840 per month when I can't find any rent under $700 (and that is for a dump) I cannot imagine, but how do you manage to feed a couple of people on $140 per month? And if you manage that, how do you pay for utilities? Or anything else, for that matter?
If I were to get rid of my car, for instance, which costs me $95 per month to insure, not to mention taxes, registration, and repairs, a bus pass costs me $60 per month, and I am not up to walking all the way to the bus stop. It is quite a way from here.
My kid needs clothes for school, and my wardrobe is pathetic. 5 years has taken it's toll - I don't even have a decent coat, and winter is setting in. But, while I cannot afford to buy one, there is no place to go where they will consider helping me out without going over my finances and prying into every aspect of my "living situation" in a way that belittles me and reinforces how far I have sunk from being a real person any more.
They don't just take your information - they take your pride and dignity away - that is, any pride and dignity that you had managed to retain.
So, I have decided that I am no longer going to try to ask for help, but I am going to try to manage. I'm going to attempt to ignore the sense of panic that has been overwhelming me, and recover from the trauma that has been the last 7 years, living in Maine.
It will take a while, and I really don't know how to totally forgive my brother for disappointing me so completely, but the absence he's provided me is helping.
The rest of my family is not. Just as I expected, upon my return from Maine, they are making demands and putting pressure upon me to take on responsibilities for them that are a bit much for me - I have a full time responsibility to my girl that is my top priority and cannot be ignored - especially not for them.
You hear a lot about "fraud" when it comes to assistance, but he was never brought up on charges, to my knowledge, because of his fraud. He prevented me from getting assistance by claiming that we lived with him, and received benefits for us, and never served any consequences that I saw.
Since 2008 I have constantly been in a state of panic because I cannot survive on what little I can manage to bring in - first, on TANF, then on Social Security. I've had food stamps, heating assistance, etc., and now I still have not got enough income to manage, but do not qualify for any type of assistance.
So I have to find a way to pare down my life to fit my budget. But I look around, and I see rents I cannot afford, heating costs I cannot afford, and just about everything is out of my price range, really. How the "state" thinks that anyone can survive on $840 per month when I can't find any rent under $700 (and that is for a dump) I cannot imagine, but how do you manage to feed a couple of people on $140 per month? And if you manage that, how do you pay for utilities? Or anything else, for that matter?
If I were to get rid of my car, for instance, which costs me $95 per month to insure, not to mention taxes, registration, and repairs, a bus pass costs me $60 per month, and I am not up to walking all the way to the bus stop. It is quite a way from here.
My kid needs clothes for school, and my wardrobe is pathetic. 5 years has taken it's toll - I don't even have a decent coat, and winter is setting in. But, while I cannot afford to buy one, there is no place to go where they will consider helping me out without going over my finances and prying into every aspect of my "living situation" in a way that belittles me and reinforces how far I have sunk from being a real person any more.
They don't just take your information - they take your pride and dignity away - that is, any pride and dignity that you had managed to retain.
So, I have decided that I am no longer going to try to ask for help, but I am going to try to manage. I'm going to attempt to ignore the sense of panic that has been overwhelming me, and recover from the trauma that has been the last 7 years, living in Maine.
It will take a while, and I really don't know how to totally forgive my brother for disappointing me so completely, but the absence he's provided me is helping.
The rest of my family is not. Just as I expected, upon my return from Maine, they are making demands and putting pressure upon me to take on responsibilities for them that are a bit much for me - I have a full time responsibility to my girl that is my top priority and cannot be ignored - especially not for them.
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