Have to go in for surgery :(

Well I havent written on here in a while. I have had alot goin on though. Went to doc appoint on Monday and what else should I have expected but bad news. Seems to be the story of my life. Well let me start at the begining. I had discussed with my doc that I wanted to start trying again for another baby around June. Of course her first response was "do you think you are mantally ready?".. In a way yes I am but then other days I am not sure. When I think of another baby and start to "dream" I find myself daydreaming and calling the baby Max. Maybe I am still dreaming bout the life I should of had with him. Then the other days I picture myself with a baby and telling the new baby about Max rather than call them Max.Anyhow, my doc had told me that they had found a cyst on my overies when they did the US when I was pregnant. Yeah okay..thanks for telling me that when they were found rather than lay this shit on me now. So she sent me in to get another US to see if they have grown or shrunk. Well I guess they are the same size. She told me I have two options, get the large one removed or retest in 3 months to see if it got any smaller.I dont want to wait three months because if it doesnt get any smaller then Ill have to get it removed and that pushes things off even further. I told her that I just want to get it removed. She then tells me that because of the size I may end up loosing my right overy compleatly. YAY ME!!!! I asked her if I would have any chance in hell of ever having another baby if its removed?..she told me that woman can get pregnant with just one and they will put me on fertility meds to help. So I am set up for surgery May 19th. Exactley 2 weeks after Max's memorial. I should be caring for a new born baby May 19th not trying to do whatever I need to to try to get pregnant again. I told my donor that things have to be put off. He was very supportive about the whole thing. He said that we will just have to try harder but we will make it happen. He also then threw in "why dont you hurry up and get pregnant now and they will have to postpone surgery untill after its born"..ya know, I love that man to death and he is one of my best friends but sometimes I dont think he uses his brain. I know his intentions were good, but I had to explain to him I need to do everything right this time. If its ment to be then it will happen whether its a few months from now or a year from now. It just seems like it one bad thing after another...all I need now is to get fired, get evicted and get audited by the IRS and Ill just have the best friggin year of my life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!