Have I loved you enough...?
Dear friends, this piece was read at church yesterday... The service was about listening to your heart and finding a balance between inner and outer lives especially during December. I got shivers as I listened to these words... it turns out to be part of a Mother's Day piece. Wow.
Read it as if you are talking to your child. If you have other children or grandchildren maybe you can envision saying it to them... or if that's not possible, just feeling it, andliving it would be incredible. This feels like a very healing move to me... the question Byron asked last week: "Was that the best I could do??? Was I really not able to do better for Andy?" We can connect to the love with this... and forgive ourselves.
Ok... now... Try it again as if you are talking to your best friends, the ones who have helped you find your way through the grief. (maybe FMO people!) Then again as if you are talking to yourself. After our children died, we probably had a very hard time loving ourselves. I am still working on this. Naming the pain, and then the love... through writing... is such a gift. Have I told you? Have I thanked you? : )
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Meditation
Do I know you well enough, so that I would recognize you from a great distance, from the tilt of your head, the sway of your step, or the merest whisper of your voice? Have I looked carefully at you, and noted the texture of your skin and the color of your eyes, so that when you are miles from here, I can see you easily in the space reserved for the most precious memories? Have I trusted you enough, so you know who you are, and can be sure of yourself in a world that doesn't want to trust? Have I modeled the life I want you to live, one of caring and appreciation and feelings and love? And have I learned all I can from you, so I can draw on your wisdom and lean on your truth, even when we are far apart? And have I loved you enough, so that you will know you are loved when the storms beat you down, the friendships disappoint, or the demands of a world that needs your love weigh too heavily on your shoulders? Have I said thank you to the creative spirit who brought our lives close enough to touch, and who gave us the chance to notice one another and dwell together in this moment? Then let me give thanks now. from Evening Tideby Elizabeth Tarbox
Read it as if you are talking to your child. If you have other children or grandchildren maybe you can envision saying it to them... or if that's not possible, just feeling it, andliving it would be incredible. This feels like a very healing move to me... the question Byron asked last week: "Was that the best I could do??? Was I really not able to do better for Andy?" We can connect to the love with this... and forgive ourselves.
Ok... now... Try it again as if you are talking to your best friends, the ones who have helped you find your way through the grief. (maybe FMO people!) Then again as if you are talking to yourself. After our children died, we probably had a very hard time loving ourselves. I am still working on this. Naming the pain, and then the love... through writing... is such a gift. Have I told you? Have I thanked you? : )
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Meditation
Do I know you well enough, so that I would recognize you from a great distance, from the tilt of your head, the sway of your step, or the merest whisper of your voice? Have I looked carefully at you, and noted the texture of your skin and the color of your eyes, so that when you are miles from here, I can see you easily in the space reserved for the most precious memories? Have I trusted you enough, so you know who you are, and can be sure of yourself in a world that doesn't want to trust? Have I modeled the life I want you to live, one of caring and appreciation and feelings and love? And have I learned all I can from you, so I can draw on your wisdom and lean on your truth, even when we are far apart? And have I loved you enough, so that you will know you are loved when the storms beat you down, the friendships disappoint, or the demands of a world that needs your love weigh too heavily on your shoulders? Have I said thank you to the creative spirit who brought our lives close enough to touch, and who gave us the chance to notice one another and dwell together in this moment? Then let me give thanks now. from Evening Tideby Elizabeth Tarbox
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