Have I been robbed of my life?
I am pondering this question today. Has MS robbed me of my life? Occasionally, I do feel this way. There are so many things I used to do that I can no longer do. I miss running, jumping, and kart-wheels! I wish that I had done a kart-wheel every day. Isn't that silly. I miss the freedom that came with being able to move without fear of falling. And then there are days where I think about what things I have gained through the learning process of this disease. I am much less attatached to what I can do. It isn't defining me any longer. I am finding out who I am separate from what I can do. I am learning that I am a positive person, that I don't give up, that I have compassion for those who suffer, I don't nag my husband about things that need to be done, I am less anal and compulsive, I am learning to not judge myself and others, I am learning to be more forgiving of myself and others, I am closer to God today than I was 5 years ago, and being closer to God has brought me peace, inner strength, and the confidence that I can make it through this life.
When I was young I defined myself by what I could accomplish, by how pretty or athletic I was, and I used to always feel not enough. I have learned that I am enough right where I am. I could have learned this without having MS. But would I have learned to give myself and others the Grace to fail?
I wouldn't wish this disease on anyone. And I am focusing today on the positive things in my life. My husband has grown to be a very unselfish and generous man. If I had been able to do it all on my own, would he have had that growth? So many thoughts. All I can say is that God is good.
When I was young I defined myself by what I could accomplish, by how pretty or athletic I was, and I used to always feel not enough. I have learned that I am enough right where I am. I could have learned this without having MS. But would I have learned to give myself and others the Grace to fail?
I wouldn't wish this disease on anyone. And I am focusing today on the positive things in my life. My husband has grown to be a very unselfish and generous man. If I had been able to do it all on my own, would he have had that growth? So many thoughts. All I can say is that God is good.
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