Haunted by Pregos, Babies and Baby Stuff
It seems wherever I go, I can't get away from pregos or babies or baby stuff!! Went to Macy's at lunch, had to walk through the baby dept. to get to where I needed to go....got stuck the other day behind a truck delivering baby furniture with a huge image of a baby and mom.....have seen that Carter's commercial about the baby coming home for the first time about a zillion times (now I just mute it or hit pause and then fast fwd thru it).....and I have a million other examples but I think you get the idea :) I think maybe the worst is that the office next to mine is occupied by a coworker who is pregnant for the 1st time and is about 14 weeks now and can't seem to stop talking about being prego. It is like salt in my wound mixed with lemon juice. The world is just such a hard and unforgiving place to those of us struggling with IF and miscarriages and loss. Today is 2 weeks since my D&C. Besides DH, my DS sisters, my mom and 2 of my friends, its like everyone else in my life has either forgotten or decided it's been a few weeks now so I should be fine. When I first miscarried, my family and friends were so sympathetic and supportive. Now they've sorta disappeared, busy with their own lives I guess, but it somehow feels like a slap in the face. A text or an email to say "just thinking of you" goes a long way. Seems that is sorely underestimated in our society. I think grief is just one of those things that makes people uncomfortable, but I can't help but feel disappointed in my "support" system. Bad enough I'm dealing with this enormous loss in my life, but it doesn't help to feel abandoned. I asked my therapist if I'm just asking too much of people and she does not think so. On that note, I do want to acknowledge the tons of support I've gotten from my DS sisters....it has made all the difference and you have no idea how much gratitude I have that you are here to help me through one of the darkest times in my life. Thank you doesn't even seem to be enough to express my appreciation!! Big hugs and lots of love to all xoxo
Replies
I am very happy to hear from you, even if it\'s on a sad note :-( I hate baby commercials and reminders. I don\'t even think we just notice it more, i think when we\'re suffering it literally pops up more! You are absolutely not expecting too much from your \"support\" system. We all have busy lives too, and find the time to support ppl who need us too, even when we\'re still suffering. You have continued to support others in your journey, and while you deserve so much more from those around you, be proud that you are the kind of friend you are :-)
When I started going to my RE I noticed that there were baby ads and pregnant women everywhere. It only got worse when I had my CP and every time I get a BFN! I often wonder if I am just more sensitive and aware because of my situation or is it the world mocking me?!?! Personally I think its a bit of both. It sucks, its not fair and it can feel like its haunting you. I am so glad you have found good solid support here on DS and that its helping you through this dark time.
As for your support system, I can relate. Not many people in my circle of friends really got it. Hence why my circle has drastically decreased in size the past few years.
Thinking of you!
After my loss at 19 weeks pregnant, I quickly realized how those who never had IF or a loss truly understand. The ones who get it, are the ones who have been through it. One day, about 2 months after my loss, I burst into tears at a store. It was a store I had never been to before. My husband and I were walking through the aisles and then I saw a cute baby outfit. For a second I forgot I lost my baby and thought, \"wow this would be cute for my baby.\" Then my brain remembered that I lost my baby and I started bawling. Totally unexpected. I also realized that for us, who had a loss, our world had stopped, while everyone else\'s world kept turning. Big hugs.
I understand completely about seeing babies everywhere! It makes you want to just scream or it does me anyway... I\'m here if you ever need someone to talk to or just vent with :)
I\'m sorry that Baby Everything is in your face right now. That\'s so hard. Yeah, I agree that people don\'t know what to say, so they don\'t\'. Or perhaps they don\'t want to re-upset you so they remain silent. I\'ve found that older people are not afraid to ask how you are doing. I wish you has someone checking on you like that. I know how much it means.
Random comment: I once had to go the the beach with my SIL\'s niece, who was very preggo and in a bikini. It was about two weeks after my m/c. Talk about agony! My fault though, because no one knew at the time I had done IVF. Still it\'s awful. Seeing anything Baby at the wrong time is painful.
Thank you for the shout out to all of your DS sisters. We all know how it feels and are here for you!
Oh I can totally relate to this too. After the initial outpouring if support it seems like people forget or don\'t want to bring it up. That\'s the worst. Hope you can ask some friends to talk about it and get the support you need. Big hug
So sorry you are struggling and maybe not getting the support you deserve. As long as your DH and your mom are there for you, fuck everyone else. The people who matter most to you are there for you and I am happy for that. I too am haunted by preggo\'s and babies, especially during my toughest times. It really freaks me out. Usually when someone is talking pregnancy I tune them out completely and in my head I am saying F you F you F you. It\'s not the healthiest way to cope but I never claimed to be mentally stable, lol. I think of you often. xoxo
I\'m so sorry. That is usually how things tend to go in this world which is sad. After my miscarriage this year I noticed the SAME kind of stuff. I think it\'s just our heart mixed with our subconscious desire to really want that baby of our very own. It doesn\'t go away with the miscarriage which adds a little extra to the heartbreak I know. We see it everywhere not because we are looking for it but thats just where our heartbeat is. And it\'s so soul crushing when we are not living that dream ourselves.
I hate that I am struggling with my body right now because of all my pudge I have picked up in this year alone. Because this is a thing with me, I see EVERY single skinny woman and notice them especially when they are stuffing their faces with a 2,000 calorie snack and I feel resentful of that, and I get irritated at myself for even noticing it everywhere I go.
it does start to feel like the whole world just moves on while you are standing still, and you feel very alone. I think people who haven\'t gone through it don\'t understand the TRUE loss we feel. this was not just a positive pregnancy test. it was a living being inside of our bodies - one we worked VERY hard to obtain. and we lost it. it is literally like a piece of us dies. the grief is very real. I wonder if you do too good of a job faking it and your friends/family don\'t realize how much pain you\'re still in. don\'t be afraid to reach out - tell them you\'re hurting. I hope you get a response that you deserve. In the meantime, you are not alone - we are here for you and understand every ounce of your pain. it\'s horrific.
I sure do wish I could take your pain away. I don\'t think people fully understand the pain of IF and of miscarriage. They have no idea. I am so sorry your friends and family have disappeared. Please know I am always here for you, only a text or call away
Sorry your support system has let you down! it really pisses me off how quickly women who suffer loss through m/c are expected to \"get over it\", I just don\'t get it! Take as much time as you need to get through this and yes I literally feel like I am under attacked by preggers , new borns & baby stuff every time I leave my house it totally breaks my heart! Big hugs!! XO
I love this post because it is so honest, and I really relate. I have extremely high expectations for my friends, but I think that\'s fair because I hold myself to the same expectations. Like many others, I have less friends now, but I\'m ok with that bc I\'d rather have a few quality friends than a ton of shitty ones. You\'re so wonderful to all of us on DS, so I can only assume you\'re just as wonderful to your other friends. Thank you for being you :)
It is soooooo true, I feel like I am walking the opposite direction on a crowded street of pregnant women and babies. I love it also PolkaDot! I totally understand feeling like your \"incident\" is a thing of the past soon after. Mother\'s day was about a month after my MC. I told my mom if it was ok I\'d rather not do anything big this year, just drop off her card.she asked why? I was surprised but mumbled about struggling with the MC. She said \"Still? I thought you were doing better\" ummm yeah I just snapped out of it bc it\'s no biggie...
I like PolkaDot\'s perspective on friends and I am currently reevaluating my close friends.
I\'m so sorry you aren\'t getting enough supporr from your friends. I felt the same way with my mcs. Like people expected everything to be great after a couple of weeks. We are here for you. It\'s a big loss, it will take time and lots of love.