Haters
The tweaks in my newsfeed do seem to be calming the manic episode a bit. I hope. Prayers in progress.
I believe it is the hate element which most consistently gets me triggering with shifts in the chemistry in my peer support groups. It doesn't much matter what you are hating on. Hate is an intensely volatile and contagious emotion, most especially in support groups where letting your guard down enough to process suppressed emotions is an actual goal. Outside the military and VA groups, support groups tend to be over-whelmingly female, so Man-Hating is the most common hate flavor. The adrogynous hate flavors, such as "Toxic People," Normies or religious intolerance are common, as well. Whatever the unifying hatred, unified hatred always feels like pending mob action to me. Within this particular psychosis, someone's already building the pyre on which fringe dwellers like myself WILL be sacrificed, sooner or later. Hate jumps targets as easily as it jumps hosts. Within a group dynamic, that is especially dangerous. Just ask history's genocide survivors.
I still don't really have a gauge to distinguish when I am witnessing an actual shift in group dynamics or when my anthrophobia is *just* triggering my intensely over-developed flight instincts. Again. For now, I am continuing with the technique I developed with the help of pros during my early therapy. Just back off to as small a safe distance as possible and then sit and watch a spell. It is effective, but often leaves me wistfully reviewing how much I want to see the four continents I have yet to set foot on. So much world and so little time. . . Still, honest, deliberate travel is much gooder way to see the world than psychoflight.
Replies
I’m completely with you on this Arfie. Could it really be (to use that old phrase) sisters from another mother?
Growing up with my mother belonging to one of those extreme religions, living in various places where ‘haters’ and intolerant people made up more than half the population, there’s few things that will send me into a rage than those kinds of things.
To me it’s one thing to express hatred towards the abusers, but another thing completely to generalize that hatred to include the innocent.
During the elections for president, I had to block nearly half of the people I had randomly gain as friends from my news feed because they had jumped on the ‘all Muslims are terrorists’ band wagon and that ‘immigrants were the greatest threat to our country’. I just can’t handle even seeing that kind of hate mongering, that following of the blind masses who choose ignorance because it’s easier and everyone else is doing it.
There’s good and bad people but in my mind everyone is also a little of both good and bad. I don’t understand how the actions of one bad person can justify vilifying an entire group. But oh how it gets under my skin.
I think you’re right that there isn’t any way to develop a gauge to distinguish the shifts and what those shifts will encourage to come out of the woodwork.
I understand there’s a lot of anger in all of us, something that won’t ever completely leave us. For many the wounds are still too fresh. But it is so triggering to see those fresh wounds cause a wave of generalized hatred to sweep through a post that should be about healing and support. Venting is one thing but sometimes it gets out of control and just feeds a negative situation to the point it’s at risk of being damaging rather than supportive.
Sorting through it and waiting alongside you Arfie.
Hugs, support & love.
I've found time and again in support groups the abuse becomes 'my?" perhaps instead of 'this happened'. I see bipolar as one part of me, not "I am Bipolar". If I read a post which spumes vivid descriptions of abuse, I stop reading, just as I haven't had a tv set for three years now I'm not bombarded with the vivid specifics from programs, commercials, or the horrid new programs..
MHO, the more one talks about the abuse, the more one thinks about the abuse...broken record. It's all a process to find a way out of the insanity of the event that took place against the person. The process can be a very long one, however the 'talk can be towards healing' rather than hatred.
In DBT therapy, the therapists Always stop someone if they start down the road of vivid specifics as they want everyone to feel safe....vivid specifics are for 'personal time with therapist'.
Fear based thinking can start out 'tiny' and go from zero to one hundred in seconds. As the poster wrote above, in the world there is hatred, I believe because there is fear, there is ignorance, Bigotry, ignorance, fear low self esteem, are haters, as those who have wealth, power and education. Fear
For many years I was a hater, broken record syndrome of vivid specifics, blamer towards everyone who came across my path because I didn't understand how my fear worked, my anger worked, and how I spread the poison of vivid specifics to any available ear....rather than working through, to better understand my feelings and how my feelings were impacted by the way I was thinking.
Fear today again intensifies, I think, Everyone, as the world is Under Threat, the News speaks to those threats with relish to obtain more viewers, the day to day existence of Joe, Mary employment, housing, medical, school for their children … there are no more life time careers, pensions....rather replacements walk through the doors every day.
The solution I've no idea for the masses, I've known for a long time how my own behavior and my words can effect other people in my life and people I don't know that come across my path in life. 'Do unto others as you would like them to do un to you'....while I wait, sort, and exist trying to keep my boat afloat, fill in the leaks, and continue on.
Time has a way of putting some sort of perspective on life...we both view life differently in our 60's than we did in our 20's....maybe someday there won't be discrimination on the elderly, we will be respected for our knowledge, we will be heard. One can hope.
The Answer: LOVE, live love rather than fear.
((Hugs For ALL))
I hate brussel sprouts.
My favorite support groups are the ones who focus on solutions more than the problems. Who/whatever you are hating on, hate remains a highly toxic emotion which hurts the haters far more than who or what you are hating on. The proverb I like for it is "Hate is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die."
The current use of the term, "Abusers" in the the ex-gf/wife/s.o. cliques "Abusers" gets me thinking along the line of, "Poor little martyr. Did you need a ladder to climb up on that cross or did you get up there all by yourself, like a big girl?" 'Tis another place where I will drop the sexism when I hear men using the term amongst themselves. Hasn't happened yet, not even among battered husbands.
Add on Tom Waits tune:
Climb down from that cross
We can use the wood
And come on up to the house
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-GugzLSbOQE
Can I like brussel sprouts without offending you, Chris?
No?
Insert preferred verbal raspberry here. . . Taboo words allowed.
Hmmm... Oddly enough, this is the only place I use the word "abuser". I do not go around talking about my abuse anywhere but the PTSD board and with my therapist. I am a pretty laid back person IRL and do not do well around people who have a victim complex myself. I also have no problem saying I was a victim because if not, that would be, well, denial and I stuffed my entire life. I find support groups, especially online where no one can hear the tone of voices or delivery, to be very difficult. We never really understand someone if we never get to see or hear them. I mean, what are they really like? We can only assign our own interpretation to something we read.
Backstabbing, manipulation and clique behaviors are the worst for me. I too have fears of mob action, especially when it is passive aggressive and behind the scenes. I never know when I will be ambushed. It has happened to me many times here and I was bullied with it as a kid.
If we are to judge a person for using the word abuser without knowing them well, are we not hating just the same? Should we not look within ourselves to see what our own problem is? I do think this should be a safe place for people to vent and let it all out and if they need to use the word because it is fitting for their situation then have at it. Of course, not everyone will get along or agree.
I guess everyone needs to check their place on that ladder. It is too easy for anyone to get pretty high up there and forget that they are imperfect. I'm not sure I understand why the term "abuser" is so terrible or spews hatred for you? Clearly, I use it, but not because it is the word of the day or because I am full of hate, that is a waste of my time. I was abused and it fits and all of mine seem to fit the same mold. I am just curious, I know certain words or the way they are used creep you out.
I have found it best to go direct to the source and ask the questions directly, but sitting back and making sure these fears are not your own is wise. I also do the same because I hate to make the mistake that other people are the problem when it is really me.
I came to check on you because you were quiet, to say hi, to give you support. Saw your journal. Just my two cents and worth nothing I am sure.
I take full responsibility for my strictly personal psycho triggers and they remain a mysterious phenom for me, Doo. Even when I can identify the psycho snot knot which makes them painful for me, the person, place or thing which causes the trigger effect has a right to be, irregardless of my personal psychopations. I have to sort through and resolve them, one at a time. Detaching far enough to see them more clearly remains my first step.
Sorting. . .
Sort away. I know right now I am leery, but it is reserved for me. I know these things come in waves but some waves can knock the breath out of me and so my speaking out and up. Right now I get very shaky when the flu is talked about. The dreaded crud from it has been the cause of loss of a couple friends. I know so many more recover from it but it doesn't help the loss of those close to me. Many went to Standing rock and were sprayed with fire retardant to break them up. They spent the last two years fighting this respiratory thing named crud.. So when the flu hit them, well .. and they were close to my age. The same kids that I grew up doing community work with and building programs with.. That is part of the mortality slapping me in the face. Spring will come, the waves will pass.
Hugs Arfie. I agree with stepping to any safer distance when needed.
I ignore brussel sprouts.
I seem to tap into a greater healing strength when I step away without indulging in the Blame Game. Nobody's fault. No grand-standing needed. Just leave those brussel sprouts on the plate without so much as a, "No, thank you" and let the lovers of brussel sprouts enjoy without negative commentary. There are other places to gain sustenance.
I am glad you can sort it, many times I cannot. LOL. Hahaha! I love brussel sprouts but they give me bad gas so I have to leave them be, hehehe
I'm getting better at sorting through the psycho baggage car, but it still ain't as easy as sorting socks.
I still think of brussel sprouts as Belgian suburbs. Brussels is quite the metroplex. . .
Where's my steak and taters?
Rib eye for me and dress the potato with the works.
Get silly with the works. Extra butter for the bread.
I am vegetarian, but I will take the potatoes and bread :) Lots O' butter please.
My co-grandmother assures me that "Vegetarian" is Apache for, "Lousy hunter." Luckily, she's not here. . .
Extra extra butter on order.