HARD WEEKEND.....
This weekend has been so hard.....You know how sometimes you will go for a whole week and not even cry that much? Well that has been me for a little bit. Then I came home from work yesterday and could not stop crying for hours. Woke up this morning and MADE myself get out of the house and came home and started all over again. It's amazing how grief can just sneak up on you and take over.
I'm actually very good at avoiding. It's been almost 10 months since I've lost my Son and 8 months since I've lost my husband and I still try to avoid thinking of them a lot. Because when I do the pain is so great I just don't think I can take it sometimes.
Everybody at work thinks I'm doing so good and they're so proud of me...blah blah blah....they have no idea.
Only you wonderful, strong, supportive women get it. I am SO THANKFUL I found this amazing website with women that can truly understand what I'm going through.
I'm actually very good at avoiding. It's been almost 10 months since I've lost my Son and 8 months since I've lost my husband and I still try to avoid thinking of them a lot. Because when I do the pain is so great I just don't think I can take it sometimes.
Everybody at work thinks I'm doing so good and they're so proud of me...blah blah blah....they have no idea.
Only you wonderful, strong, supportive women get it. I am SO THANKFUL I found this amazing website with women that can truly understand what I'm going through.
Replies
Isn\'t it weird how \"society\" tries to encourage us to NOT grieve! When we put on our \"happy face\" they encourage us and tell us they\'re proud of us blah blah blah as you say. Why can\'t they tell us they\'re proud of us when we cry our hearts out! Between us, WE KNOW that when we DON\'T avoid that place, when we go into that painful painful place inside us, THAT is real strength. And yes, we cry and cry coz the pain is SO unfathomable to anyone else. And it takes all the strength in the world, for us to be able to do this, and STILL get up and carry on.
YOU are doing great, and I am proud of you exactly BECAUSE you have the immense immense pain, and you are facing it in bits and pieces, as your heart and brain will allow you to, and you ARE crying! And that is brave.
lots and lots of hugs and love, Janice
I couldn\'t agree more with what Janice says...... The \"others\" want us in our mask 24/7 because THEY can\'t deal with our reality. Wearing the mask is helpful on the one hand because it does allow us to keep our emotions in check (somewhat) for a short period of time in order to do some of the necessary things in life that we\'re required to do. But oh, when we can take off our mask and just BE.....tears, snot, screams, and ugly in grief, those are the true healing moments.....those are the real moments.
I used to listen to people tell me how strong I was, how \"good\" I was doing, how this or that which they imagined was real, and just shake my head and think to myself, \"if you could only SEE me, the real me\".....and I knew they were more \"nuts\" than I was for believing the mask was real.
You know what, I\'m proud of all of us for wearing our masks when needed, and for crying when needed, and for cussing when needed, and for avoiding the outside world when needed and for venturing out into the world when needed, and for knowing what we need, and for acknowledging we don\'t know what we need, and simply for just trying......just waking up each and everyday and trying our best.....no matter how that looks on any particular day.
YOU are doing your best! Giving it your all! I admire you for your courage AND I ache for you for being forced to be so damn courageous!
The moms of FMO are truly the most amazing, courageous, compassionate and understanding women on this planet!!! Thank you Barbara Smith for organizing this group and thank each and every member for the gift of LOVE you give every day by showing up (whether it\'s daily, weekly, monthly, or annually) and sharing and listening and caring!
I\'m hugging you with my whole heart and soul dear Sue!
I have learned that grief will wait for me. It\'s always there and just below a very shallow surface and when it comes it comes and I don\'t go anywhere without tissues in my purse. Just never know when a cry will happen and it\'s okay. I will never forget reading in one of my grief books early on about tears... The author asked how we felt when someone in our presence cries and if we judge them harshly or feel incredibly empathetic towards them? The way that we feel about others tears is how I\'ve learned to accept mine with tender loving care. And I hope that they are met with empathy, yet if they are not it\'s not my problem ... it\'s theirs.
Truly, no one wants to \"worry\" about us so when they see us with our masks on they believe \"all is well.\" It\'s a true friend who takes the time to ask and waits to hear our response. It\'s our society that wants a \"quick fix\" and \"solution\" to everything and that just isn\'t how grief and loss are, is it? We are not \"ill\" and we cannot be \"cured.\"
Feel all the feelings as you are and know that you are being given the tightest hug ever from each of us. Understanding that there is nothing \"wrong\" with you is the gift and that entering into those feelings is what you are doing and it takes courage to do so. We cannot heal what we do not feel.
Loving care my friend and you have many hands to hold here. Hang on tightly!
XO Joanie
After the wisdom of Janice, Teri and Joanie, there isn\'t anything to say other than I hope you can feel the {{{{hugs}}}} I am sending... Marylou
The \"other\" need us to be strong for them not us. They are very uncomfortable if we cry in front of them because they don\'t know how to handle it. They do not realize that every tear we shed helps us down the journey of grief and it is beneficial for us to cry. I don\'t think we can travel the journey if we never cry. We would be stuck and not progress. It\'s a shame that the \"others\" weren\'t taught this. Unfortunately, the only way they would know is to experience what we did. Love to you all, Connie
If they only new....if some would only take the time and find out how hard this is,, they would not be so proud of us ..... and what Connie just said....wow! love ya!
I\'m computer challenged in so many ways and am still trying to find my way around this website so I\'m HOPING this will reach all of you WONDERFUL, CARING, AMAZING WOMEN that replied to my journal. I just wanted to say thank you and it\'s just so comforting to me to have women out there now that understand completely what I\'m going through. It\'s so refreshing honestly. I feel so safe here with all of you. I know there\'s no judging and I can completely put my feelings out there and that means the world to me. As most of you said, we put on a mask so much of the time because people just cannot comprehend what we are feeling and dealing with. It\'s nice to take that mask off and be myself with all of you amazing, caring women. THANK YOU and I know I\'m going to have life long friendships from this website. Too bad we had to all meet under these circumstances but right now I\'m glad we did. XOXO
Arent you just so tired of being told how strong you are, knowing when you are out of the public eye you feel the weakest anyone could ever feel? I think just one day I may just show them how strong I AM NOT! My heart goes out to you.. and every one else here. It is wonderful knowing that there are actually people that knows how it feels and we can be open and truthful with!It just really SUX how we all ended up here.
Love and Hugs to you my friend!!
Debi
Love and appreciate you too dear one!!
I have to agree so much with what all the moms are telling you... what I agree with the most is that in my opinion you\'re doing something you should be proud of when you\'re being real... yes I know we have to \"put on\" on our happy face... okay... not happy face.... but the one that allows others to be comfortable out there every day in the world... I won\'t say real world because our world is very real... its real... and its hard... I\'m glad though that you are here because the women in this group have been a life saver for me and I know they will be for you. Hugs Elissa