hard times :/

Well the great news is I'm half way off my Paroxetine, but I must say its been the hardest half way EVER and just for the sake of it, and for the sake of keeping myself happy, I'm going to have a massive massive massive whinge. 1. My dad is a dick everyone is trying to look after me and make sure I dont kill myself or anything but he is being insane. Its almost like he can't copt with not having the attention. (thats actually probably what it was) The last two times he came to visit me in Holland he refused to say goodbye to me, and sulked the entire visit. It was just soooo hurtful. and it really stirred up a lot of my past, which is NOT good right now.2. My aunty is really sick, she has cancer. and I'm VERY close to her. I will be devestated when she dies, plus she has a three year old granddaughter. I was so close to my grandma when I was that age, who also died when I was three, it was so traumatic I dont want millie to go through that. and more selfishly I dont want ME to have to go through losing my aunty.3. Boyfriend troubles.4. I have sooo much work to do.5. I have insomnia, which I never ever get its just a side effect of coming off the tablets6. My whole stomach problems were caused by the side effects of the tablets, so when I was being tested for all these horrible diseases, I could have just stopped taking the tablets and not had a massive tube shoved up my butt. The tablets cause nausea, blood in the stools and vomit, all the symptoms I was having basicly. Gee thanks for picking up on it doctors (they don't even know about it yet!!)7. One of my ex boyfriends keeps threatening me, he keeps saying he could 'fuck up my life' or 'get rid of me' I don't know what these mean but it sounds quite ominous, and I can't seem to get rid of him. I don't want my current boyfriend or anybody else to know about it.8. I feel like crying most of the time, which sucks. I hate these tabletss!!!!!9. I hate feeling like I'm gonna be sick every single day10. I just feel really rubbish about myself as a person, like I'm really ugly and crap at everything I do and completely inferior in general. I have complete uncertainty about the future.11. Money, I have none. 12. I cant concentrate on anything or hold a conversation, I feel like people think I'm stoned or something its really embarassing. I keep having to say 'huh what are we talking about?' I can't think of anything right now but I'm sure I'll magane. but basicly, these tablets SUCK they are ruining my life, they are making me incapacitated to deal with arising problems in my life and creating whole new ones of their own, as well as physical ones. This is THE hardest thing I've ever done....but in a way its not that hard because I so badly want them out of my system and just to feel fresh again. If anyone read this....thanks. It means a lot to me that someone would go through this with me, I know its been a long boring and whiney one this time! but it needed to come out.