Hard Night

If anyone reads this I hope it gives you a little hope and gives you knowledge that you are loved. I love anyone who reads this and finds common ground with this story. I love you because I know your struggle and your pain and the suffering that comes with anxiety. This is not a journal that is meant to bring you down or make you feel sad or pitiful or pity towards me. I am just having a shitty night lol. No other way to put it. I seemed to have missed my dose of venlafaxine at 150 mg. I have been taking it for 5 years in increments until last year I got to 150mg and here I am :) it was working for a while but recently I have been feeling a little shitty. I lost my job about 4 months ago therefore lost my insurance and I am barely applying for government help for insurance. I have been dealing with chronic allergies and they keep me from living and enjoying my life. I don't feel depressed but there are some days that I get overwhelmed and frustrated with both the anxiety and the allergies hitting me.

Well anyways tonight I started feeling super shaky and over stimulated. I started feeling like I was losing a bit of my focus and there are times that images come to my mind and I try to make sense of them and my jaw feels clenched. I felt a little over stimuated right now and thought  "hey why not, let's write a journal" So I started to write a little and a little became a bit more :). I am not in bad spirits or sad, I just feel hella weird, like I can't close my eyes, in fact I feel scared to close my eyes because there are images that make no damn sense. FOr example I was laying down and felt a bit dizzy and started having images of plants and for some reason I felt like there was something for me to solve. I've had these images/dreams/thoughts before and I hated them. I remember there was this time that I had thoughts of selling homes and I was trying to sell one to my aunt and it just felt like I had a problem to solve but I was between sleep and awake. Also there was this time when images of spinal cords would be in my mind and I felt so damn lost, like I was trying to figure something out. The thing is that those days I didn't take Effexor so I don't know if these are symptoms of missing one dose or just symptoms of anxiety. Who knows. If any of you can articulate these feelings better and have felt the same way please let me know.