Hard day today

I've been in the hospital since yeaterday waiting to have a cerclage at noon today. I am happy that my baby is safe and that we're doing what's best, but why do I feel so sad? I cried quite a bit last night and this morning, being here in L&D brings back all the memories of losing Michaela. I miss her so much, I wish I could turn back time and was able to save her and she would be here with her mommy.
 I also can't see my son because children aren't allowed in here so I have to wait until I leave. I miss him alty already, he had a hard time without me at home last night.  He doesn't nuderstand why he can't visit me.
So I can't eat or drink, I'm starving, cold, depressed, and very anxious about the surgery becasue I'll be wide awake! I just want to sleep right through today and wake up at home to play with my son.