Happy New Year 2010!

Happy New Year 2010!  Wow, so the new year is only days old and I've already discovered A LOT! Where to begin! Let's go in-order I guess...  So I sent my ex an email about having my friend Peter storing my bike in FL which is currently in her garage. I really didn't think much of the request and we have been fine since the breakup over a year ago. She actually bought me a Christmas gift and sent my parents one too. I thought that was nice and that we were cool. Guess I was wrong! She sends me this scathing email saying that I said I didn't want it and how I need to stay out of HER condo and she will be spending a lot of time with her new boyfriend there and on and on! Holy crap!! WTF, right? So I was completely taken off guard by it and basically deleted it immediately! It was like the devil himself sent that thing! Wow!  So anyway my friend Pat came over to watch the Pens lose another game (that's another story!) and afterward we went to our favorite bar. We have been going here for like 20 years and I always said hello to the owner but never really sat down and spoke to him. It was slow and he was hanging out downstairs so we start talking. Here he is writing a book on relationships so I start asking questions. My God he was 100% right on with every answer!! WOW! I was totally blown away! I've spent my entire life trying to figure this stuff out and here he is with all the answers! They say God puts people in your path for a reason.....crazy!  So he explained it wasn't the bike it was just the last piece of me she still had and me wanting it back basically said this is the end. I'm still a bit confused because she has been dating some guy for like 6 months and is always talking about how great he is sooooooo, WTF? Doc explained that she thought that somehow we may get back together....but why would you want to get back with someone you were miserable with? I guess I'll never understand it all but he opened a door that's been locked my entire life!   Doc also explained that you need to be a giver and find a giver in-order to have a great relationship. I have been a giver but I knew that I could do more. In the past few months I have been giving a lot of stuff to the VFW. Today I setup monthly donations to Animal Friends and the Cancer Society! When I get back from FL I'm going to volunteer at Animal Friends to help the pets! That to me just feels like a great fit. I love animals but I don't always have the time or patience to have one at home. It is amazing that when you give without expectation you do get back in spades!  I also realized that my failed relationships haven't been my fault but my poor choice of partners. Doc called them "ego" relationships were you go after what you think others want rather then what you truly want. In an "ego" relationship you feel great at first because you got the prize but as time goes on you find that you have to be "on" 24/7 which means there is no room for a mistake. If you show even the slightest vulnerability things fall apart quickly. The best personal example would be times when I would be sick be it a cold or flu. If I told my ex I was sick it was like "Just suck it up and deal with it!"....really? This is how you treat someone you're supposed to care about? I never thought about it at the time but now it's like....that was total BS! If I knew then what I know now I would have totally ended that relationship ASAP! Hindsight is most certainly 20/20.....  I used to think that I was broken and couldn't make a relationship work but that is soooooo not true! It's just that I have attracted and have been attracted to the wrong type of person. I need to talk to Doc about that one! How do you attract the right type of person? Still soooooo much to learn but on the right track! Sometimes I think it best to just stay single and alone. I'm good at entertaining myself and I have a great group of family/friends to spend time with but I don't know. It's like being alone saves me from all the potential drama and craziness that seems to be a part of a relationship but I also have to be realistic in the fact that I have probably NEVER had a good relationship!   It's sad to say at 39 I have never been with someone that truly fit. I've never been with someone that's truly affectionate. I would love to have someone that just wants to be right next to me...holding hands....hugging....just truly affectionate and caring. I always end up with these standoffish types. The sex is great but sex and affection aren't inclusive. One doesn't always perpetuate the other. Affection is just truly wanting to be with someone. You love the sight of them, their smell, the feel of holding them, their skin against yours, just two people who can truly be as one. Is this just a pipe dream perpetuated by Hollywood? Am I striving for something that just doesn't exist in our world? I don't know. I see other couples but I have no idea if they have a good relationship or not. My last couple of breakups people were totally surprised we broke up because they thought we had a great thing going. Strange...  Anyway, some random stuff then 2010 predictions!   Random Stuff:  My new surround sound is freakin AWESOME! WOW! I can't believe I didn't do this sooner! It's sooooo sweet!   My new furniture/blinds are also awesome! I'm no longer embarrassed to have people over! Once again I can't believe I waited so long!  Heading to FL in February with my old man. We are going to visit with family in NC and Sarasota so that will be cool! I look forward to seeing my old friends in Clearwater and pray to God I don't run into crazy ex during my stay! I just want to be as far away from that situation as possible!   Predictions 2010:  So last year in my journal I made several predictions which were amazingly accurate! I'm not sure how accurate I will be this year but it will be fun checking it out 12 months from now! God so much can change in that short 12 months........so here goes:  My old man will be able to fight that stupid cancer and be well for next years holiday season!   My family will get together more not just for holidays (I have a Finger Lakes vacation I'm going to plan!)   I will have some issues at work with this new app (DMS) we are rolling out as it rolls out to other terminals but they will be manageable. I will continue to support my old app (eBoard) as well. I think by summer a new app will be in the cards be it my own or taking control of the BizTalk app they are discussing. Overall I think work will be fine this year.   I believe the economy is going to come back with a vengeance and people aren't going to realize how strong it will really be. This will cause companies that were laying off people to scramble in-order to hire new people! I think anyone betting against the economy over the next 5-10 years is going to be very sad indeed! I can almost feel that we are on the brink of something amazing! Be it green energy, new technologies...or a close encounter of the 3rd kind!! Hey, anything is possible! I'm not saying that we won't still have problems. Unemployment will still be higher then we like even with the new job creation, idiot terrorists and the like will continue to be idiots, wars will unfortunately remain but I believe it will diminish as the global economy grows. Overall I think we are going into a recovery and a boom that will become lasting rather then a big ugly bubble.   Personally...a bit harder to predict this year but I'll give it a try! It's truly hard to say. Last year I was spot on but I swear I could see my immediate future last year! This year, wow, truly hard to say. I think it will be either one extreme or another. I will either remain single and alone basically not dating anyone...or...I will start dating several people and find that one of them is the person I described above! Being alone is simple....dating is hard. I guess it depends on how much I truly want to find someone. It's like when you watch a game and they say it's the team that wants it more is the team that will win...how much do I want this? In 12 months time will tell!    Well it's almost noon so time to lift and have some lunch. Not really in the mood to work as I have been off for what seems like forever! I'll get back into the swing of things soon enough! More updates to come..........