Happy New Year

So, another year is about to pass and that brings many opportunities for good things in the new year.  I've been doing alot of praying lately....more so than usual and I didn't think I could possibly pray anymore.  I've been thinking alot about the coming year and what it means for me and my husband.  In about 2 weeks I go back to Walter Reed for yet ANOTHER MRI and hopefully this one will be ok....I go crazy with anxiety everytime I have to have one done and I think if this one isn't ok they might want to do a biopsy.  Also, as of the first of the year I will have only about 9 months with my husband until he is deployed.  I try to reassure him that I can take care of things and that all will be well and I will be fine and dandy.  Health wise, I may just be alright.  But....I can't imagine sitting here everyday without him.  Every doctor appointment brings such big and important news and who knows how long it will take him to receive my letters about those.  And emotionally I try to tell myself that I won't cry the entire time he's gone but I think I will.  I think I'll just have to tell myself that he'll be home in no time at all and that no emergencies will happen while he is gone, but it's scary to think about being here in ill health all alone without even any family around for 500 miles, at the very least.  My inlaws are even further, out on the west coast.  So...in the next 9 months I have to be strong for him, strong for me, put up with him being out to sea off and on and hardly seeing him (the sheer joy of being a Navy wife is killing me right now LOL), taking care of this stupid apartment and still not being able to do it all alone.  And still he lives under the illusion that when he's gone I won't need any help and he just keeps telling me that I have to 'learn' how to do things on my own.  I told him we need to hire someone to come in and help me and I was met with a look that said "Surely, oh wife of mine, you must be joking...".  I guess it's up to me to even take care of those little arrangement since he seems to think I'll get out of bed tomorrow and be cured.  In any event, all the little worriesome things going on in my head are making me crazy and it seems like every little thing I say is wrong and sets him off on a yelling tangent about how needy I am and how difficult I can be.  Honestly, had I known I'd be such a burden to him I never would have come back home last year.  I would have stayed in New England and let him have his divorce because as much as I love him it isn't worth it to be made to feel like I am ruining his life.   So my wish for the new year is that I will be fine and he will realize that once again, as always, I am doing my very best to be a good wife, a good companion, trying to get better as much as I can and really trying to make him happy....even if that means putting his happiness before my own. Hugs and prayers and wishes for a safe and happy new year,Chelsey Ann and the kitty cats

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

I\'m sorry CA, what else can I say. This disease is bad enough to go through with 100% support from a partner, let alone what you have to deal with. I hadn\'t thought about having to rely on letters for communication, I assumed things would be more immediate these days.

Surely you could get some home help to come in a couple of times a week? When I was traveling a lot, Linda used to have a couple of girls come in to clean etc which was a big help for her.

Right now I can\'t think of anything else useful to say other than that people here will always be with you for moral support if nothing else.