happy joyous and free

tonight im so happy not just because of my bike but im just so gratefull to be alive and full of gratitude to AA and good honest friends just after christmas i dropped of meetings big time im talking 0 most weeks but mid feb i started going monday friday and saturday and now do service at 2 of them im loving it so much im seeing the raw AA i need the happiness i see and the gratitude the very thing i saw when i came into AA i wanted that so much when i came into AA i thought they cant be alcoholics there all happy loltonight there was 3 newcomers normally im quiet with newcomers but i chatted to each made them drinks and shared my journey i started crying something ive not done for a while they came to me afterwards and thanked me one cried i hugged him and simply said your home now keep coming back i just cant explain just how happy i am inside to be alive and free of alcohol another dayi was always a quiet shy yes shy and yes quiet drunk never had a fight never smashed anything up but my hell was staring straight at me everytime my eyes looked into that bottle often when i sat alone i always thought yessss im alone now drinky time i can gulp it down and fast as i like no one to watch me but i was never happy my heart was crying with pain really bad i didnt know where to turn no one to talk to alone all alone my eyes are filling i cant see my typinghghghg loli do come across as happy here and i think am i masking any pain or sadness inside but no i really am happy things are not great at home but i live in the day and would never drink on it my friend from my running picture said he was so happy to see me still smiling even though home life is not good but i just said hey im alive i have AA and good friends im never alone and never will be i love you all mr happppppppppyyyyyyyyyxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx