Happy Birthday to My Number One Son Kenny
Happy Birthday to you Kenny, Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you Kenny, your mom loves and misses you. As is with my tradition as soon as I wake up I will reach for the phone to call to be the first to say "Happy Birthday to my son". I hope that God will grant me a phone connection to my first born son as mom wishes you a Happy Happy Birthday in Heaven.
46 years ago Aug 21, you came into this world to a mommy who was just a baby herself. You dad said to me when you were born "Thank you". I can't tell you how sad I feel today that I can't talk to you and say "Happy Birthday", but I will say it to you and hope you will feel it in Heaven. Of course, you just had birthday with papaw on the 14th wonder what you guys did, what you gonna do today.
I have been thinking a lot about Heaven and I don't know if I ever told you about when I went there when I had my kidney surgery. I know what I saw was so beautiful that one can never forget so I know you are truly enjoying what beauty God has given to you. I was telling Fred, I think Heaven is like say you wanted to see the beauty of snow all white, no footprints just the blanket of new snow you just have to think it and there it is without any cold. No matter what you want to see God provides the beauty for you just in an instance. I also think Heaven is somewhere maybe you continue doing your work like you did on the earth, but somewhat different. No pain, no tears. When I went there, I remember hearing lots of kids playing in the distance so much joy I felt they were having. And then when I when I saw my cousin and I had heard what sounded like a wreck, she just laughed and said no one gets hurt here.
Then there were those hugh wooden doors, biggest doors I had even seen and so beautiful. I don't know how they opened but the next thing I was in a hugh room and it was all crystal ....walls, floors and in the middle of the room a hugh crystal piano and I was so tired so I laid down beside it and there was a crystal dome over my head going way up and three time a voice asked me if I wanted to stay or go back. I said I had to go back for my kids you and your brothers. After the third time I felt myself go back into my body. What an experience it was that I had so I can't imagine what it is like to see all of Heaven, I think I was just given a little look at it.
I think in Heaven we will still be a family, the Bible says we will be known as we are here on earth, just all the pain will be gone. Mom has really be doing some soul searching on wondering why God didn't hear my prayers for your healing on this earth. It's been such a long journey since Dec. 30, 2009. Some days are so difficult to get through.
I wish I had been able to protect you from the pains of this earth. I wish I could have made the cancer go away. Jess was in an accident and wonder's why God allowed this to happen to her. I know you asked me not why God but why did the cancer happen to you. As to her as I said to you, I have no answer. The only answer I have is God is in control.
Oh sweetheart I wish I had had the answers for you and I didn't and I still don't, but I know that you have all the answers where you are now. I doubt you even question. The only joy that can come out of this is knowing that you do not know or feel our pain. Your deserve that my son. It is us who are left behind that suffer the pain of our child being gone. Days seem to go into weeks and weeks into months. Somehow I just have to figure out how to move forward. I have not made much progress on that, cause all I can think I just want you back here with us, but not with the pain. Words cannot describe the love I feel for you, the pain of you not here. I can still here your voice and I can still see your face. I love you my son so very very much. Happy first Birthday in Heaven.
46 years ago Aug 21, you came into this world to a mommy who was just a baby herself. You dad said to me when you were born "Thank you". I can't tell you how sad I feel today that I can't talk to you and say "Happy Birthday", but I will say it to you and hope you will feel it in Heaven. Of course, you just had birthday with papaw on the 14th wonder what you guys did, what you gonna do today.
I have been thinking a lot about Heaven and I don't know if I ever told you about when I went there when I had my kidney surgery. I know what I saw was so beautiful that one can never forget so I know you are truly enjoying what beauty God has given to you. I was telling Fred, I think Heaven is like say you wanted to see the beauty of snow all white, no footprints just the blanket of new snow you just have to think it and there it is without any cold. No matter what you want to see God provides the beauty for you just in an instance. I also think Heaven is somewhere maybe you continue doing your work like you did on the earth, but somewhat different. No pain, no tears. When I went there, I remember hearing lots of kids playing in the distance so much joy I felt they were having. And then when I when I saw my cousin and I had heard what sounded like a wreck, she just laughed and said no one gets hurt here.
Then there were those hugh wooden doors, biggest doors I had even seen and so beautiful. I don't know how they opened but the next thing I was in a hugh room and it was all crystal ....walls, floors and in the middle of the room a hugh crystal piano and I was so tired so I laid down beside it and there was a crystal dome over my head going way up and three time a voice asked me if I wanted to stay or go back. I said I had to go back for my kids you and your brothers. After the third time I felt myself go back into my body. What an experience it was that I had so I can't imagine what it is like to see all of Heaven, I think I was just given a little look at it.
I think in Heaven we will still be a family, the Bible says we will be known as we are here on earth, just all the pain will be gone. Mom has really be doing some soul searching on wondering why God didn't hear my prayers for your healing on this earth. It's been such a long journey since Dec. 30, 2009. Some days are so difficult to get through.
I wish I had been able to protect you from the pains of this earth. I wish I could have made the cancer go away. Jess was in an accident and wonder's why God allowed this to happen to her. I know you asked me not why God but why did the cancer happen to you. As to her as I said to you, I have no answer. The only answer I have is God is in control.
Oh sweetheart I wish I had had the answers for you and I didn't and I still don't, but I know that you have all the answers where you are now. I doubt you even question. The only joy that can come out of this is knowing that you do not know or feel our pain. Your deserve that my son. It is us who are left behind that suffer the pain of our child being gone. Days seem to go into weeks and weeks into months. Somehow I just have to figure out how to move forward. I have not made much progress on that, cause all I can think I just want you back here with us, but not with the pain. Words cannot describe the love I feel for you, the pain of you not here. I can still here your voice and I can still see your face. I love you my son so very very much. Happy first Birthday in Heaven.
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