Happiness doesn\'t last for ever
Hey,
I know it's been a while. Intact it been so long that I'll be surprised if anyone takes notice of this. Anyway I'm here and in need of getting things off my chest so I hope you don't all think I'm only back to moan.
Where to begin. Since my last entry a lot of things have happened, te majority of them for the good. In September I moved out of home with mum, after being there for 18 months, and now live in Manchester. I've relocated to go back to school to study audio engineering and music production. I'm really enjoying the course and can't get over how much I've learnt in 3 months and how my perception of even the simplest sounding recording has changed. This may sound strange but 70% of the time that I listen to music now, I'm actually listening to what has been done to the recording by the engineer. On the whole this had really helped me grow as a person.
Now for the reason I'm back. I got to know the most incredibale young lady, over the last 6 months our contact with each other had gone from the odd text every few days to numerous conversations every day. I thought that perhaps it was my chance to have finally break the ill fate I've had with relationships or should I say the complete absence of them from my life. Our conversations were sometimes really deep and we spoke on occassion of what it would be like to be together. 2 months ago I actually took a huge step for me and asked her if she would consider a relationship with me, I remember the few moments between the response, my heart raced and skipped, my head went giddy and I felt really sick, but back came the reply 'I'd be lying if I didn't say i've not thought about it'. We had arranged to get together this new year and daily she said to me that she couldn't wait to come up, spend some time with me, wake up and put her arms around me. I even received a photo saying 'I was thinking of what it would be like to wake up beside you and wanted you too see what you will wake upto', I couldn't have asked for anyone more beautiful to have entered my life.
However a few days later she went away for a couple of days and upon her return tells me that somebody asked her out and she said yes. She had completely forgotten me, what she had said to me and the fact that I'd asked her and was waiting as she had asked, till we met for me to ask her as I held her.
My heart has been shattered yet again by someone whom had spun me a load of words knowing it was what I wanted to hear. I question my ability to actually be someone that a young lady can seriously consider as boyfriend material or if I'm just that sad loser that is the one sandwiched between relationships because the lady wants to feel as though she is loved to a degree.
There is a lot more I want to write but this has drained me and I must stop. I hope to speak to you all very soon.
Take care and all have a fabulous festive season.
D x
I know it's been a while. Intact it been so long that I'll be surprised if anyone takes notice of this. Anyway I'm here and in need of getting things off my chest so I hope you don't all think I'm only back to moan.
Where to begin. Since my last entry a lot of things have happened, te majority of them for the good. In September I moved out of home with mum, after being there for 18 months, and now live in Manchester. I've relocated to go back to school to study audio engineering and music production. I'm really enjoying the course and can't get over how much I've learnt in 3 months and how my perception of even the simplest sounding recording has changed. This may sound strange but 70% of the time that I listen to music now, I'm actually listening to what has been done to the recording by the engineer. On the whole this had really helped me grow as a person.
Now for the reason I'm back. I got to know the most incredibale young lady, over the last 6 months our contact with each other had gone from the odd text every few days to numerous conversations every day. I thought that perhaps it was my chance to have finally break the ill fate I've had with relationships or should I say the complete absence of them from my life. Our conversations were sometimes really deep and we spoke on occassion of what it would be like to be together. 2 months ago I actually took a huge step for me and asked her if she would consider a relationship with me, I remember the few moments between the response, my heart raced and skipped, my head went giddy and I felt really sick, but back came the reply 'I'd be lying if I didn't say i've not thought about it'. We had arranged to get together this new year and daily she said to me that she couldn't wait to come up, spend some time with me, wake up and put her arms around me. I even received a photo saying 'I was thinking of what it would be like to wake up beside you and wanted you too see what you will wake upto', I couldn't have asked for anyone more beautiful to have entered my life.
However a few days later she went away for a couple of days and upon her return tells me that somebody asked her out and she said yes. She had completely forgotten me, what she had said to me and the fact that I'd asked her and was waiting as she had asked, till we met for me to ask her as I held her.
My heart has been shattered yet again by someone whom had spun me a load of words knowing it was what I wanted to hear. I question my ability to actually be someone that a young lady can seriously consider as boyfriend material or if I'm just that sad loser that is the one sandwiched between relationships because the lady wants to feel as though she is loved to a degree.
There is a lot more I want to write but this has drained me and I must stop. I hope to speak to you all very soon.
Take care and all have a fabulous festive season.
D x
Replies