Hanging in there
Yesterday was supposed to be the family birthday party for my brother, my mom, and me. But now that David (my brother) broke the news, I was just too sad to go. So I called Mom crying yesterday at noon and said that I was sorry, but that I just couldn't come. I wanted so badly to support them, but I just physically wouldn't be able to be there without crying. And that wouldn't really make for a fun party for everyone. So the party was called off. David understood. He told Mom and my Dad (who called later and said I should disown them) that I had been very gracious when they told me. I just hate everything about this. Yesterday I set two goals: doing the laundry and making the curtains I've been putting off making for the bedroom. (Remember that I'm a seamstress, so the curtain thing is about a 45-minute task, if that). Then I narrowed it down to just the laundry. Didn't want to be too hard on myself. To my credit, I did finish the laundry. Yesterday I kept feeling like someone had died, or like it was 9/11 or something. You know when you are going along with normal life and normal feelings, and then you remember that something devastating has happened and changed life forever. I realize how ridiculous it sounds to say that my sister-in-law getting pregnant in 3 months (to our 23 failed months) is comparable to 9/11. It's just that every time I remember it, my soul sinks again. How could this be? How could this be? She has Lupus and she had brain surgery last year. She's due for a break. I am glad I don't have to worry about them going through infertility troubles. For that matter, she still might: we don't know how she'll do with the lupus, being off Lupus meds, and the pregnancy. I promise I didn't want her to have to go through fertility troubles. She has a limited window in which she can get pregnant after her radiation (last fall) before her pituitary (hormone-controlling) gland conks out and she'd have to do IVF or some other externally-controlled thing like that. Just. Just. Ugh. I'm just a little pile of sad sister debris. Thank you for all your support, my friends. I couldn't do this without you.
Replies
I bet there isn\'t a single soul on here (DS-IF group) that can\'t relate to how you are feeling. I wish none of us would ever have to go thru these heartbreaking moments. Unfortunately we\'ve all had them and I know, now more than ever, you are feeling like this just isn\'t going to happen for you two...but it will. You have to remember that. Hang in there, brighter days are ahead.
You did the right thing. You shouldn\'t have to pretend with family. I\'m sorry to hear what your sister-in-law has been through. My gosh... That\'s really tough. No matter... it doesn\'t change what you\'ve been through and it being so unfair. We will make it through this... together.
You were right to listen to your feelings and be straight. I forced myself to go to gatherings during hard times and hated having to run to the bathroom to cry and then try and look happy...it sucks. Better to just let it all out at home.
Yep, I feel ya. I have had to cancel a few things this year too. At this point I feel like I am in survival mode and I have to protect my heart at all costs. I understand too how you feel about your sis in law.