halloween

halloween, my daughter's absolutely most favorite holiday of the year. and she's not here and even in 10yrs when she is? she will not be able to partake or enjoy it.
i was gonna write this last night but just couldn't bring myself to put into words how i feel about this. i guess the biggest reason is i don't know how to put it all into words.
that the one holiday of the year that she totally loves and gets into is no longer allowed for her. it's more acid to the heart. i haven't even mentioned to her that when she does get out of prison that she will not be allowed to decorate, leave the light on in hopes of seeing kids and parents doing trick or treat, answer the door or pass out candy.
when everyone started posting the restrictions and rules for registered sex offenders i was horrified. not only is the sex offender punished but so is the family that they live with.
her brother took his son out to trick or treat and asked me if i wanted to go. i said no that i had done my turn at it when he and his sister were younger that it was all his now! had his sister been here she would have jumped at the chance to go with them to watch her nephew enjoy himself. damn she would have loved that!!!
i am missing her so very badly tonight!!!!!