H's Letter to OW
(Disclaimer: Some information has been changed/removed to preserve anonymity. Some may be triggering. Strong language was used, as well. Also, for some there are parts where my H does not truly own his part, rather it feels as if he blames the OW for his part, which might be very triggering/angering for some.)
Explanation: During our discussions of boundaries, I told H. that I wish he had written OW to tell her the things he had told me about his disdain for her, etc. I told him that it would have shown me definitively that he did not have remaining ties to her. It is too late for that - it would actually cause more problems for him to send something like that at this point than it would do me good. He actually surprised me yesterday morning by emailing it to me. How weird that I'd take his letter of hatred toward her as a love letter to me, but I have to say it meant a lot to me that he heard what I said and made a point of doing what he thought I wanted.
Anyway... sharing the letter, just so I have it for posterity.
-=-=-
[OW], I don't want to write you. I never want to think of you. But I am. I have been too busy to write till now. I have been busy mending a marriage that will outshine any relationship you could ever imagine. I have been working on trust and faith with Allora. Renewing it. It's been a bumpy road. So much lost from one mistake. That mistake was mine. You were the mistake. I have done everything I can to avoid contact with you. Because I can't stand you. You are a self centered crazy bitch. You care for only yourself. Even after I told you I did not want to be with you, you still caused issues for me, my life, my job, and MY wife. You stalk Allora online. Try to cause trouble at my office by calling there and saying I'm not where I am supposed to be. Yet I am exactly where I am supposed to be: with Allora. The only good thing that has come from knowing you. Is knowing that I am truly blessed to be with a smart, fun, loving girl named Allora. Over the years I have had, during times of unrest, wondered: does Allora love me? Does she really want me? I know, for sure, unshakably Allora desires me. She is a true friend. Allora is my sexy lover. My baby girl. My friend. The best mother to our kids that there ever will be. I can only put this one way. One simple way, with true words. I hate you. I hate who you are. I hate your twisted morals. Fuck. Morals? You cheated on your fiancé. You led him on in case I was not going to be yours. Well. Now you have him. Not me. I can not understand why you could not take no for an answer. Why you continued to cause trouble for me and my loved ones. Oh I fully except that I was no better as far as the fact that I cheated on my wife. I destroyed her faith in me. I allowed the affair to happen. I will eternally hate myself for this. I'll never be ok. But. I will always strive to mend my relationship with Allora. I will always do my damnedest to be the best I can be for her. Because I love her. She has earned my love and affection. You tried to steal it. You demanded it. You even tried to buy it. Sad. You are just sad. I hope you have a shit relationship with your fiancé. I hope he cheats on you. Maybe you'd get what you deserve then. Fuck. I don't think you could care. I allowed myself to be misled by you. I listened to your lies. I saw what kind of person you are. I don't know what the fuck I was thinking. You are nowhere as sexy as my wife. Allora leaves you in the dust by far. Allora is attractive and knows how to use her sexiness. With her husband. God, you are not even what I find attractive. Truthfully when I was trying to just be your friend... I listened to the guys I work with say how you were a fat cow. A chunky crazy girl dressed like a slut. I tried to ignore those comments since I wanted to be the guy who does not judge a book by its cover. God how I wish I had at least listened to the crazy part. You are crazy. The guys I work with still regard you as a nut case. They talk about how you are a freak. A drunk. A fucking whore. Your conduct in public is noticed. The guys I work with give me shit for fucking you. Saying things like how if I were going to fuck a [her job title] I would have been better picking one of the male [her job title] than you. I will suffer with the knowledge that I truly fucked up. My wife will suffer with the fear that I will hurt her again. The only person I hope is ever hurt again is you. I truly wish you a shitty life. Everyone I work with knows you are a cheating slut. I hope word spreads to your coworkers. Hope that someday your fiancé learns that you cheated on him. I only hope that he finds out after he marries you. I will never mettle with your life. I will never set into action any horrid plans. As much as I want to. As much as I wish you hurt. I'll leave it. I will not lie. When asked if I fucked you I say, yea I cheated on my wife with her. I will always regret it. I wish I had not. I wish my wife could never have been hurt. I love my wife, she is my best friend. You. You are a dark twisted bad memory. Simply put. I hate you. If I have to work along side you I will do my job. But even as I do. That look in my eye. In case you wonder. Is hatred. Pure. Simple. Complete hate. How can you not care about anyone except you. How can you be like that? Seeing how you treat others, I wonder how I could have ever spent a moment with you. Stay out of my life. Don't ever wonder if I miss you. I don't. Fuck you.
-=-=-
Explanation: During our discussions of boundaries, I told H. that I wish he had written OW to tell her the things he had told me about his disdain for her, etc. I told him that it would have shown me definitively that he did not have remaining ties to her. It is too late for that - it would actually cause more problems for him to send something like that at this point than it would do me good. He actually surprised me yesterday morning by emailing it to me. How weird that I'd take his letter of hatred toward her as a love letter to me, but I have to say it meant a lot to me that he heard what I said and made a point of doing what he thought I wanted.
Anyway... sharing the letter, just so I have it for posterity.
-=-=-
[OW], I don't want to write you. I never want to think of you. But I am. I have been too busy to write till now. I have been busy mending a marriage that will outshine any relationship you could ever imagine. I have been working on trust and faith with Allora. Renewing it. It's been a bumpy road. So much lost from one mistake. That mistake was mine. You were the mistake. I have done everything I can to avoid contact with you. Because I can't stand you. You are a self centered crazy bitch. You care for only yourself. Even after I told you I did not want to be with you, you still caused issues for me, my life, my job, and MY wife. You stalk Allora online. Try to cause trouble at my office by calling there and saying I'm not where I am supposed to be. Yet I am exactly where I am supposed to be: with Allora. The only good thing that has come from knowing you. Is knowing that I am truly blessed to be with a smart, fun, loving girl named Allora. Over the years I have had, during times of unrest, wondered: does Allora love me? Does she really want me? I know, for sure, unshakably Allora desires me. She is a true friend. Allora is my sexy lover. My baby girl. My friend. The best mother to our kids that there ever will be. I can only put this one way. One simple way, with true words. I hate you. I hate who you are. I hate your twisted morals. Fuck. Morals? You cheated on your fiancé. You led him on in case I was not going to be yours. Well. Now you have him. Not me. I can not understand why you could not take no for an answer. Why you continued to cause trouble for me and my loved ones. Oh I fully except that I was no better as far as the fact that I cheated on my wife. I destroyed her faith in me. I allowed the affair to happen. I will eternally hate myself for this. I'll never be ok. But. I will always strive to mend my relationship with Allora. I will always do my damnedest to be the best I can be for her. Because I love her. She has earned my love and affection. You tried to steal it. You demanded it. You even tried to buy it. Sad. You are just sad. I hope you have a shit relationship with your fiancé. I hope he cheats on you. Maybe you'd get what you deserve then. Fuck. I don't think you could care. I allowed myself to be misled by you. I listened to your lies. I saw what kind of person you are. I don't know what the fuck I was thinking. You are nowhere as sexy as my wife. Allora leaves you in the dust by far. Allora is attractive and knows how to use her sexiness. With her husband. God, you are not even what I find attractive. Truthfully when I was trying to just be your friend... I listened to the guys I work with say how you were a fat cow. A chunky crazy girl dressed like a slut. I tried to ignore those comments since I wanted to be the guy who does not judge a book by its cover. God how I wish I had at least listened to the crazy part. You are crazy. The guys I work with still regard you as a nut case. They talk about how you are a freak. A drunk. A fucking whore. Your conduct in public is noticed. The guys I work with give me shit for fucking you. Saying things like how if I were going to fuck a [her job title] I would have been better picking one of the male [her job title] than you. I will suffer with the knowledge that I truly fucked up. My wife will suffer with the fear that I will hurt her again. The only person I hope is ever hurt again is you. I truly wish you a shitty life. Everyone I work with knows you are a cheating slut. I hope word spreads to your coworkers. Hope that someday your fiancé learns that you cheated on him. I only hope that he finds out after he marries you. I will never mettle with your life. I will never set into action any horrid plans. As much as I want to. As much as I wish you hurt. I'll leave it. I will not lie. When asked if I fucked you I say, yea I cheated on my wife with her. I will always regret it. I wish I had not. I wish my wife could never have been hurt. I love my wife, she is my best friend. You. You are a dark twisted bad memory. Simply put. I hate you. If I have to work along side you I will do my job. But even as I do. That look in my eye. In case you wonder. Is hatred. Pure. Simple. Complete hate. How can you not care about anyone except you. How can you be like that? Seeing how you treat others, I wonder how I could have ever spent a moment with you. Stay out of my life. Don't ever wonder if I miss you. I don't. Fuck you.
-=-=-
Replies
Wow...That\'s awesome....I\'m glad he let you see that ..I can imagine what you felt when you saw that. I wish I could have gotten something like that too ...I\'m jealous. I hope it all works out truly..
Made me cry when he says how he feels about you.
You know, that\'s exactly what I wanted from my H when I asked him to write a letter to the OW. His was very composed. He did call her a liar. He did take responsibility for what he did. He did say that he regrets ever getting involved with her. He did say he made a huge mistake and that he loves me, but I wanted the kind of contempt for her that your H showed. When I asked him why there wasn\'t more anger for what she did after he ended it, he said, \"I blame myself.\" While that is good, I wanted more declarations of intense love for me and equally intense hatred for her, the whack job loser! Anyway, I hope this made you feel a little better. Hugs.
Wow Allora that says a lot about your H and how he feels about himself. Not sure how long its been , but my H said a lot of the same things about the OP as well. He wants nothing to do with her.There was a timeabout 4mo past I felt like he was blaming her but he has taken full resp. for his part. I think your H did a pretty good job , he is hating himself and in time when he can like himself a little more he will acknowledge more resp. But he really knows he messed up and is remorseful and he did a good job of putting it into words.
Znzsmom my H was a little that way also, he kinda blamed it on her at times but would not get angry because he blamed him self also. I guess it depends on the person and what part of the grief process they are in.
Thanks for posting Allora-it sounds like you two are on the right track.
Wow allora, I give your H a standing ovation, I really do! That was totally awesome, it really was, and probably cathartic for both of you! Sluttsville still works with h ? My barracuda still works with my H, too! So many of us, have that same ol story, of co-workers, right, ahem, bs!
But that made me feel good, reading his letter. I really really loved it! Give him a hug for that one!
That was very well written from a man. My H also has great contempt and hatred towards the ow. Unfortunately he created a child with her so he is forced to contact her. But every so often when we are talking or arguing he will confrim his hatred for her and it feels good.
OMG..... it made me cry..... thank you