Guy Talk
Last night James went out for drinks with a friend of his, whose wife is pregnant now after years of infertility and a miscarriage. The friend apparently invited James out because he needed to talk to someone about how nervous he was. After the miscarriage at 12 weeks, they were both super-scared that something would go wrong during this pregnancy. Even though the friend was ostensibly the one who benefitted from getting this stuff off his chest, I am SOOOO glad that James got to talk to someone too. They discussed being mad at their wives for putting them through this (irrational anger, but also kind of rational, you know). They also discussed some of the entries I'd put on my blog (www.achievingconceiving.blogspot.com), which apparently the friend reads all the time. And in addition to the procreation talk, they also talked about career stuff. They are both in the same industry, and the friend had a lot of advice for James, who just got a new job offer this week -- for 22% less money than he's currently making! (Hmph! I'm insulted). So maybe we've got James taken care of a little. In the meantime, my mom has been telling me "funny anecdotes" that my brother has told her about his wife's pregnancy. After I talked to her at noon today and heard yet another one, I called back but she wasn't at her desk. I wrote her an email saying I am instituting a new policy: Don't Mention Anything about David & Erin's Pregnancy Unless Absolutely Necessary. My mom wrote back "agreed." I hate to be a bad family member, but I figure that infertility is something that affects a whole extended family, not just the people who can't have a baby. I don't want to cause waves, but the fact is that the rest of the family is just going to have to act a little differently because of our current situation. We'll have plenty of time to swap stories after we're BOTH pregnant. We're going away this weekend, and I, for one, need a break.
Replies
So glad to hear you put your foot down. Although, they are happy about your brother and his wife they really need to be considerate of your feelings. It\'s once again they situation where people just don\'t understand unless they have been through it. They just don\'t understand how hard it is for us. Hope you have a great weekend away.
Email your family that link to the tears and hope video. That\'s what I did when I felt the need to express what I was going thru....it worked, the were so much more considerate after that. Just an idea. Hang in there, your time will come.
Good for you for talking to your mom. I have been in a similar situation the past few months and I also instituted the no talk policy. It has helped tons!!!!! Glad to hear that your hubby had some good guy talk.
Happy to hear that James has someone to talk to. That helps as we know. And good for you for putting your foot down!
That is wonderful that your mom was so receptive. It really is hard for some people (even family) to understand how hard it is to hear about preggos and babies. Glad hubby has a buddy now too!!