Guess it\'s a Crule Joke..

I'm shocked, beyond saddened, slightly numb, having fits of anger, and wondering where I'll find the fight I am so tired.  I can’t believe I even manufactured those symptoms, I must be out of my mind. I mean come on. Even the “night sickness” that my mother had and hadn’t even remembered until I was having it. The clumsiness that I had even realized could be a sign. I did one hell of a bang up job fooling myself and everyone else around me, nurse included. I did everything I could, and I lost all the embryo’s and have nothing to show for it but a terribly puffy face and equally sad husband.  DH was wonderful by the way, yet another day where I thank god I waited for him. Left work came home let me cry, then tucked me in on the couch for a nap and when I woke up suggested we get dressed take a drive up to Newburyport, although I was a little hesitant but we went. He indulged me with going to a couple of my favorite shops there; a soap store bath products hand cut/made soap etc, and a fragrance bar, normally he waits out side if I go into somewhere like that, nope he came in with me and we stiffed everything and I picked up so good smelly stuff. I’m such a girl, smelly stuff makes me feel better. The we took an albeit cold walk on the beach where we were close to the only people, then went and stuffed ourselves at a Thai restaurant, one of our favorite places.  Came home took and nice hot shower with some of my new smelly stuff and we just relaxed on the couch for the rest of the evening. Amazing he managed it make one of the crappiest days of our lives, bearable.  I’m having a bit of trouble believing I’ll find the fight. I will I have to. I know it’s now over, I just so hoped this part was.  So now it’s another waiting time….the 28th we have an appointment with my RE to discuss what I can only assume will be taking care of the Hydro and therefore the surgery we were hoping to avoid. In the meantime I’m tried to find the silver lining and figure out what I can do with myself that might make what will inevitably be more freaking torturous time before we can try again.   So far, get back in shape – start taking my yoga class again, walking now that the weather is breaking, Study and take the test for my Realtor’s License – took the course last year and just haven’t gotten to it yet, considerate on my garden – my seeds are at least growing pretty well so far, and plan a summer vacation – nothing huge but a getting.