Guilt

I am so fed up with feeling guilty. I wish i could not count calories because if i didn't know how many i was eating then maybe the guilt would be easier, but i cant not count cuz then i panic that i have eaten too much, and it is through counting that i am able to decide what to eat. I constantly feel like i should have done more exercise, but its so exhausting i dont want to do ridiculously unhealthy amounts of exercise. With all my heart i do not want to lose more weight but i feel guilty if i eat enough to maintain....errrrgggghhh makes me feel so crap, i dont want to feel like this. i hate this so much, i want to be me again, free of this....