GROWTH
First off-- today is Father's Day... and while I had many bad memories of times in my past of when he was absent or not neccessarily a good guy-- I have long since gotten past those. In his later years he did come to realize some of what he did early on while trying to numb his pain with alcohol. He tried to make it up to me especially (others too, but they were not willing to accept or hear what he was trying to say) All those memories are there... but I choose to keep those good ones close to my heart.
Someone very special did recently share . It was a thought his father would share before he did pass... that he felt unfulfilled.
I thought back to my dad and much of his life where he did as my late husband did ... just went through the motions. I remember his evenings where he would be annoyed with himself for not doing things he wanted to.. mornings with the same plans never to be gotten to. I would learn about a few passions he did have that he did take pleasure in (thankfully) He loved animals and was out faithfully feeding the birds daily. He also had a very green thumb. (The apple did not fall far from the tree on that one. His parents and grandparents had a huge garden every year. Fruit trees, rhubarb patch. Roses, flowers ... trellis with gorgeous coating of clematis. ... and a chicken coop. lol) This reminds me of how much time I wasted doing much the same thing.
My friend's new found mortality has coincided with my own. Several years ago my cousin (just 2 years older) would die in a very short time from pancreatic cancer. Another cousin who was born a brittle diabetic would die at 30 , but in her short life she did so much... she was a lifeline for me. Helping me survive while still in an abusive , unhealthy situation many years ago. She would go on to be a nurse til she was no longer able. It occurred to me-- I am still here and need to appreciate this life and time I have been given.
From my sweetie, I have been given a gift (as well as from MANY of you here) That is to finally look deep within and realize all I have to offer just as I am. While I do want to reach out and help others, it should not be at my own expense. There are a few that just wanted to chat and simply get out their frustration and get their rocks off.
I did actually confide in one of those this morning. he has been sending texts lately. often they are at very awkward times (very big time difference-- and NO this is not my SM) The thing is he only texts when sex on the brain and very little normal chat anymore. The other night got the text along with pix. This is partly my fault as I told him no TMI. He wanted to know why I wasn't talking.I explained... about this new man ( as well as the fact he doesn't care if I continue to chat with everyone. He understands who I am ) my trip in 3 weeks to CO. and how he has helped me to grow and I am changing. I explained about feeling like I am simply being used as a means to an end for sex. That I want friendship. He has been quiet since.. so we will see where that leads. I suspect he may be a bit embarassed realizing that is kind of what he was doing.
I am a work in progress and I do so proudly with my evil twin by my side. Now we also sem to have a new cohort in crime. There is now another right there with us growing by leaps and bounds and showing us the way. I now believe we are 3 Musketeers. And we do want to take you all along with us. I cannot describe how good it feels to be looking forward and realizing some of those dreams as a reality.
With much love and hugs for you all.
Kim
Replies
I am very happy for your excitement. Face it some men all they want to do is use women to a means to an end for sex. Those men are a dime a dozen. Sounds like your new sweetie is a little different. I hope you are not disappointed when you see him. I think you would be a hoot to spend a week with.
I am sure if you know me by now (which you are definitely getting to) you will know that I do not judge a book by it's cover. That may catch one's attention, but it is far more important to come to know just who a person is (This is where my curiosity comes in... wanting to find out all I can about everything and everyone. ) I can just as easily be turned on by a caring smile and a naughty inquisitive glimmer in his eyes.
Thank you . I believe the same of you. (wink, wink)
Hugs my friend, Hope all turns out well for you.
Very good introspection. I don’t know a lot about your story but it seems as if you weren’t being put first - not by yourself or others. It sounds like you’re doing that now. You’ve given me tips to help heal my pain. I want to heal like you are showing. Thank you VQ for your honesty.
My evil twin, in the time I have known you this is the happiest I have seen you and that makes me happy. This adventure you are on is just what you need. You are putting yourself first and from the sounds of it, you have a man willing to put you first as well. I am very happy to be part of your 3 Musketeers:-)
To growth and happiness....cheers!
Hugs
Veggiequeen, have this suave man of yours take you to The Great Sand Dunes. I visit them quite often and every time Igo there, I can imagine taking a new love there with a blanket and getting behind a dune. Then check it off the bucket list. But make sure he has a very good ground cover.
Great idea... but yes, my first thought is that sand tends to get everywhere, lol. I will relay that message. I do hope he's as much a boy scout (always prepared) as you seem to be. big grin here.