Growing up as an ashamed young man,

“What is life but a series of inspired follies? The difficulty is to find them to do. Never lose a chance: it doesn’t come every day.” 
As much as I know this gem of knowledge, I still struggle to find the motivation to do anything... I want to give up and die... I feel so pathetic, I don't know what to do with myself. I never had anyone by my side, so I've grown up alone, always attempting to better myself for the possibility of someone's affection, now I'm 19 and have expectations about me, and don't know my purpose because I've lived so long living for my Father's unavailable love.
 
I lost my job a few days ago due to laziness, and a coworker ridiculing me for being gay, well he guessed because I have this atrociously feminine voice. So of course I regret it. I could still be on the way to saving for a car, and then dental assisting school, and maybe later dental hygiene.
 
But now that that my job is gone again. I'm going to have to paint another fake smile on, and push myself to get out to yet another journey... I haven't showered since last Friday, and I don't even want to bother with myself, my room is covered in wrappers, and junk food. I'm on here looking for support, and feel pathetic for it. But it's more productive then trolling online forums to compensate for my self hatred.  
 
My boyfriend might be moving here in a year, and a half and I still need to save for a car so I can move in with him, and schooling... Which I have yet to do.
 
I've been in my room so long, I'm urinating in bottles because I don't want to face my Father even though he wont say anything because he ignores me, I just don't want to leave to see anyone I am that ashamed...
 
I'm a young man, and my life is amounting to nothing but regressing to when I was 16.