Group Therapy

I went to my first group session last nite. Everyone introduced themselves and told me a little about them including the group leaders/facilitators, who themselves, went thru (still going thru) some challenges - but they've seen the worse of their afflictions and have encouraged me to hang in there. After telling them that my thoughts/dark moments have progressed to planning, they strongly suggested that I check myself into the hospital psych ward that nite. I told them I'd think about it but in my head I've already pre-decided my fate. I'm very stubborn and once I envision something, especially negative, it becomes self fullfilling. One guy told me of a 20yr old who shot himself in the stomach (3) times; his 14 yr old sister found him. He went to the funeral and saw how extremely devastated the family was. I already decided that when the time comes for me, I will go to a remote location and do what I need to do; I'll be found days/weeks later. I don't want no funeral/memorial service/wake; just creamated and thrown away.
I will continue to go to these sessions as an outlet for now and to listen to/and offer help to others. My mind's made up...