grieving daughter

My mom passed away 2 years ago. I use to count the days and i always thought about the time she passed away. I would look at the clock and just for that time to come around. It been two year without hearing my name come out her mouth, two years withour hearing her laugh, two year without driving around together. 2 FUCKING YEARS. I see mothers that are around my moms age and i get a little angry because why did my mother have to leave. I knew my mom was sick and i was perpared for her passing. I was trained on the days she would not be her with me. So i guess my grieving is different but it still hurts not to have her here with me. I do new thing and i feel guilty. She should be here for my accomplishments, my college graduation, my first job i get with my degree, and my wedding. She should have been here for my small accomplishments like when i literally drove to work alone, me getting accepted into my major's program, my little brother's graduation, but she is not. People always want to talk about the five stages of grief but fuck that. im sad, mad, understanding and depressed.