Grief changes you
from a friend on FB:
"Grief changes you. If you expect to go back to being the same person you were before your loss, you will be disappointed. That person is gone. It might be tempting to look at all the 'bad' ways you've changed (being fearful, sad, diminished). I invite you to look at the ways you've changed -- and are becoming wiser, stronger, more compassionate, more understanding, more expansive. Let your loss add layers of complexity to who you are."
This rings true for me.
"Grief changes you. If you expect to go back to being the same person you were before your loss, you will be disappointed. That person is gone. It might be tempting to look at all the 'bad' ways you've changed (being fearful, sad, diminished). I invite you to look at the ways you've changed -- and are becoming wiser, stronger, more compassionate, more understanding, more expansive. Let your loss add layers of complexity to who you are."
This rings true for me.
Replies
Rings true for me too. I\'ve really been feeling the increasing strength and understanding recently. Thanks for sharing this!
xoxo Debbie
Thanks and so true. Stronger, more compassionate, more understanding, more patient, more willing to see the wonder and joy in the little things and less likely to let the unimportant stress you out.
I am not sure how much stronger I am, but I can honestly say I am not the same person. The old Marlene was a generally optimistic person who really believed that good things were bound to happen. Now she wonders what horrors await. I guess I am feeling down right now.
Hugs, Marlene
I believe this 100%. There has to be a gift in this otherwise our beautiful children died for nothing. If I don\'t go on then 2 people have died. I will rise up and do something meaningful with my life because of m loss. I love these words they are so inspiring. Whoever wrote them is very wise.. Love Anne
This resonates deeply for me as well dear Sarah. If you think about it as they say our cells die off and we become \"new\" every seven years or so. With the loss of our children we became \"new\" in a nano second. This grief path, the loss, the healing, the choices, the saying, yes to this life as our favorite poet Mary Oliver reminds us. How do we choose to live this one very precious life that is ours? I think of this so very often as I go about my days and most especially on those painfilled ones that it\'s okay to feel however I am for now, to move into it and not try to run away. Allowing my feelings to inform me yet not having to remain captive to them has created pivotal moments of change for me that have felt nurturing and freeing.
What I do know is that I don\'t sweat all the small stuff as I did in the past and that I am humbled daily by the goodness and sweetness of those put on my path. Mother Earth needs to be tended so gently and we as women are from the earth and so if nothing else as I heal so do others because the invitation is always present.
Layer upon layer we go and hoping to replace those that have sloughed off with something that is loving, tender, healing and filled with the wonder of a child. This is my hope for me and for each of us as we walk hand in hand.
In gratitude always for your sharing Sarah.
With love, Joanie
I love what Joanie says above! And ABSOLUTELY TRUE! is how I feel about what was shared on FB, Sarah.
Moms frequently state the obvious reasons why one will \"never be the same\" an...but, you know, one has gained at the very least, an understanding and hopefully a COMPASSION toward our fellow bereaved moms...There is so much MORE that is either newly gained, or it\'s depth greatly increased... and that of course, is again an individualized component...for me with almost 27 years now of \"waiting\"...it\'s been certainly an increase in the capacity to delay gratification and an increase in patience!!!
It\'s kind of a constant theme I see when looking back and trying to figure out the old ways and the new ways now of my handling this grief journey.
Old Way (for me) = I lost this, I lost that, they lost this, they lost that
I wasn\'t able to focus on anything but this aspect of LOSS, unless I forced myself to i.e. my faith beliefs
New Way (for me) = I have lost, yes, but I have gained!; they have lost... but they have gained! and what they\'ve gained is far beyond what they lost. And the biggie...a joyful reunion awaits!
That\'s all I think much about these days is how every day is a new day CLOSER to our joyful reunion and restoration. Nothing else really matters to me these days as nothing seems all that big a deal to me...which is contrary to how I formerly felt. All the \"lousy stuff\" has been swallowed up and spat out along the previous steps of my journey. Now I feel nourished and at the end of my journey I truly believe I will be sated beyond my wildest imagination!
Emphasis for me now is on the ever deepening realization that
\"God Restores\" both on earth and in the next life that is TRULY \"Life\" with a capital L.
Love+Hugs, Donna
Every word is true. Grieving for who we were is part of this path. I\'m beginning to sort out and accept the \"bad\" feelings. Days when I cannot take part in the larger world around me. Quiet days, sadness and pain. Loving more and more as everyone around me is so temporal!
Hello Sarah, I feel very changed by grief. I\'m really struggling at this time of year. These days I can barely remember Christmas being a happy time. I do feel different, directionless, I\'m struggling with everything at the moment. I am thinking of you and Andy and your memories this Christmas. With LOts of LOve, Kriss xxx hope we talk again soon, xxxx
Yes...I definitely feel more complex now...and there is no way we could remain unchanged. I do also strive to let the layers mold me in positive ways...it is often hard...but it changes our focus...love to you...
Sarah, I love this positive way of thinking and it is truly a new way of living and learning to live. Thank you for this. Love to you and Andy, Linda
True True True...no matter what we do..how we try...WE have forever changed..and I think that whatever that change is belongs to US..ourself...Thanks for sharing...Sandi
There\'s no doubt we are all changed. The word Compassionate comes to mind. Terry
I just wish other people could understand that . It may help us to face life and move forward
Hugs Penny
...I admire you so much.....
SO TRUE! On many levels. Mostly more good than bad , I think. At least for me. Hugs, Cherie