GREEN SMILEY DAY !
I am sitting here on this rainy "Green Smiley Day" reading some of these heartfelt journals, some sad, and some Hilarious!! I love to laugh! I don't like to cry, but it feels better after I do. I think of it as LIQUID PRAYER! It seems when I cry, I attend to learn something from it, it puts me back on the right path....Maybe it has something to do with growing through my grieve, after having almost 4 years behind me..April 15 will be Ryans 4th Angel Day.. Cannot believe it!! I LOVE YOU RYAN!!!! I WANT YOU TO BE PROUD OF ME, AS I WAS OF YOU, MY PRECIOUS SON. I KNOW YOU WANTED ME SO VERY MUCH TO BE PROUD OF YOU, THATS WHY I WAS SO NIEVE ABOUT YOUR DRUG USE. YA, ERICA TOLD ME YOU DIDNT WANT ME TO KNO B/C, YOU WANTED ME TO BE PROUD OF YOU, AND ALL YOU WANTED IS FOR ME TO BE HAPPY...I WILL MISS YOU UNTIL THE DAY WE REUNITE AGAIN.. UNTIL THEN PLEASE CONTINUE TO SHOW ME YOUR AWESOME SIGNS OF YOUR PRESENCE...I CAN FEEL YOU AROUND ME SOMETIME.. PLEASE CONTINUE WITH THOSE SIGNS, THEY MAKE ME HAPPIER THEN YOU KNOW... LOVE, MOM
Replies
Hi Kelly I am doing the same thing I read them over and over the tears seem to help heal somewhat. 4 years seems like forever cuz it has been 10 months for me some days it seems like forever since I have seen my son and somedays it seems like it is so fresh.i will be thinking of you and Ryan and his angel day.I always end my talks with Jason \"till we are together again\" I can sometimes feel Jason around to and wish I could always. love and hugs Bev
You have been on my mind , I guess because I know your 4year ann. is approaching also. Mitch was killed May18 2006. I have found just as you crying helps so much, sometimes I feel if I don\'t let it our I will bust at the seams.Our sweet boys always want to make Mama proud of them, and Ryan knew you were proud of him. We may not always know or understand our childrens choices, but it can never change how very much we love them.I will be praying for you and your family on Ryans Angel Day, Love, MItchells mom
4 years seems like an eternity, Even 10 months seems like a long time to endure this grief. I wish only the best life has to offer to all of us on this journey Hugs, Susan
4 years is a long time, it will be 4 for me on May 26 seems like yesterday and at the same time like forever. Tears are definately healing and cleansing. I believe they are good for the soul. Enjoy the Monday and keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you\'ve been up to. LOL Hugs Cathy
We all want the best for our children,I tell Richard all the time it wasn\'t that I didn\'t LOVE you .I wanted better for you and it was really frustaiting when I had already seen what he was capable of.
Liquid prayer... I like that. Thank you so much for putting it that way. Thinking of all the moms here as we move about our lives and try to find those glimpses of a brighter moment. Thinking of you as Ryan\'s anniversary dates approaches. Openness to whatever comes in and knowing that it is all okay and as it needs to be. Hugs dear Kelly.
Kelly, I\'m sure Ryan is so proud of you! You continue to be strong..even through the tears..the liquid prayers. My thoughts and prayers are with you as you are approaching Ryan\'s angel date next month. Love & Hugs, Kim
I cannot even imagine 4 years, the past 6 months have seemed so hard and cruel. I just keep wishing I will wake up some days. My prayers are with you and my hugs I hope you can feel. Be good to yourself!! Hugs Kay
Wow-4 years. I\'m at the 10 month point too so 4yrs sounds like an eternity. I like your idea of liquid prayers! Both prayers and tears are healing \"partners\" as we grieve. Love and hugs, Cherie
It will be 4 years in June for me. I know what you are saying. I still cry and it still feels better after. Stay strong and live life to the fullest. That is what we all need to concentrate on. have a gentle day. hugs j
I, too, like your term \"liquid prayers\"....I have many.....prayer and tears are synonymous. I can\'t imagine surviving 4 years...but then I could never have imagined being here after one year. My son also wanted me to be proud of him and I was so very , very much. I hope you continue to feel Ryan every single day. He does know you are proud of him. Love....dale, brandon\'s mom
It is definitely a journey you will never think you could endure...but somehow you do...here I am almost at 3 years...so recent...yet so long ago...btw...I know Ryan is proud of you :) Love and hugs...Karen
It has been 8 years going on 9 for me. Yes, you do survive, but to me it\'s a road to survival that will last forever. There will always been that part of my heart which is missing, but I really don\'t think our children would want us to live in a world of darkness and depression. So we all just do the best we can and in time, the good days outnumber the bad days. Sounds impossible, but true. Hopefully, you can find some peace and happiness along the way. Truly, your friend, Barb
I do a lot of liquid praying, but it is a catharsis also. Hugs.
I think we can make it because we have each other to laugh with and to cry with... thank you for sharing... love to you my friend..