Green monster

Went to a beach town last night I'd never visited.  Me and my bf saw a band he likes, I am struggling a little w/ envy/jealousy regarding his I don't know if fan is the right word, his being a fan of female artists.  I know it's my struggle, jealousy over "irrational" things like that are pretty typical for me in my past, now I get to use my spirituality and the tools of my recovery program to see a way out of this.
I'm fasting today.  I'm discouraged with my unemployment situation.  I got some confusing info from EDD, anyway I got emergency money, then my claim expired so I can't access it, and now I was told to reapply and I'm confused, but I did it.  I am receiving one more check of benefits on that last claim, after that I don't know.
My free time is mostly being spent with my bf and I am doing little to enrich my life socially otherwise, I like to isolate, home is not the healthiest place, I am not really interviewing even once in this whole few months of unemployment, I can't seem to log into the edd job listings website, it's all weird.  God be with me.  I am sober and going to meetings and I am making little dents in decluttering.
Self esteem is a big issue with me, and I know approval from someone may be a "quick fix" re the bf, but really ideally I need to do esteemable things, I need to look for work.  God please help I am rather apathetic about it.
I'm doing a little yoga and meditation each day which is good, and maintaining my spiritual readings for the most part.  Yes I am walking every day.
Supposed to go on a hike tomorrow and sort of dreading it, my days are spent too much with him and with this issue I am trying so hard to keep under wraps, the jealousy issue, I feel like it is too much for me and I need God's help.

Replies

bb4
bb4

Hi! Hang in there! You are doing some good things for yourself-like walking, yoga and meditation. Staying sober must be a difficult thing to deal with everyday, but you are doing it and congratulations! :0)
deleted_user
deleted_user

Your honesty is amazing, your awareness is amazing. The work you do on your spirituality is amazing. You are fine. You\'re not perfect. You\'re perfectly imperfect. My prayers are with you. May HP be with you always.