Green Friday
I have been in a complete swirly whirl with getting Drew's house ready for the market, and catching up at work. So this is just a little kiss-and-run to say hi, I'm fine, how are you, see you soon!
I'm really happy to say that since July 1 I have been on the straight and narrow path and since getting home on the 28th have dropped 7 lbs. Wow, feels sooo much better in my clothes!
And last night Byron and Caitlin (son and future DIL) came over for dinner and it had been so long... they looked great, we made pizza on the grill, we looked at the photos of Scotland, and I told them about the little ritual with Andy's ashes in the morning each day there.
I didn't tell them, and I'll just mention it here, (and come back later with more thoughts) that I feel quite different than I did before the trip. The sorrow is no less that Andy is gone, that he doesn't get this life to live, that we have this hole in our lives. But the grief has gone to a different place inside me. It's many miles inside. Not on my skin, not in my aura. I am sure there will be times when it surges and leaps like flames to feel so cruel and viciously painful. RIght now it is gentle and deep... a river.
AND last night I had Andy with me in a dream. Just a quick hello, a big hug, a smile. There was another one I told you about and another since then when he was a little boy in a hospital that was sad, and then this one, very very good.
OK gotta run. Hope you're well, and I think I'll have more time for catching up with me dearies after this house thing is behind us. Whew!!!
Peace and gratitude
xoxoxoxo
I'm really happy to say that since July 1 I have been on the straight and narrow path and since getting home on the 28th have dropped 7 lbs. Wow, feels sooo much better in my clothes!
And last night Byron and Caitlin (son and future DIL) came over for dinner and it had been so long... they looked great, we made pizza on the grill, we looked at the photos of Scotland, and I told them about the little ritual with Andy's ashes in the morning each day there.
I didn't tell them, and I'll just mention it here, (and come back later with more thoughts) that I feel quite different than I did before the trip. The sorrow is no less that Andy is gone, that he doesn't get this life to live, that we have this hole in our lives. But the grief has gone to a different place inside me. It's many miles inside. Not on my skin, not in my aura. I am sure there will be times when it surges and leaps like flames to feel so cruel and viciously painful. RIght now it is gentle and deep... a river.
AND last night I had Andy with me in a dream. Just a quick hello, a big hug, a smile. There was another one I told you about and another since then when he was a little boy in a hospital that was sad, and then this one, very very good.
OK gotta run. Hope you're well, and I think I'll have more time for catching up with me dearies after this house thing is behind us. Whew!!!
Peace and gratitude
xoxoxoxo
Replies
Wow, sounds like you trip was such a healing experience....Love hearing from you...I have been getting signs from my Kenny lately....they are just so wonderfl to feel....Hope you don\'t stay gone too long working so hard....I sure am trying to lose weight...it\'s hard...I have lost 10 but not fitting good in the size I was in last year...but a bit at a time.....Good luck on the house sale....Sandi
Your trip has had a lasting affect on you and that\'s great! Maybe thet next retreat should be a walking tour of Scotland with cups of tea (or Ovaltine..Jim loved that too! Along with the Kozy Shack we\'d talked about) I\'d be up for that!
I trust in those dreams of a smiling healthy \"hello\".
Today as I was signing on to my pc, instead of using my password, which is entirely different, I typed \"family\".. that was the famous tattoo that Jim designed and all of his friends got immediately after his passing, they went en masse... how can you explain that?
So many mysteries...
LOVE,
SOOS
Yay for the 7lbs!!! Good for you!
Thanks for the quick update...can\'t wait to hear more about Scotland and would love to see pictures. I so totally get what you\'re saying about the grief feeling different...mine is different now too. Not gone, just different.
Love ya bunches my friend!
Wow! You sound really busy. Glad you could keep us posted!
Great news about the 7 pounds! It feels so good to have clothes feeling loose!
I hope I will be in a different space when I finish my walk in Spain.
Hugs, Marlene
Yippee on the shedding and I can only imagine how much better you are feeling. Good luck with Drew\'s house and have the kiddos set a date yet? I truly do understand what you are describing about feeling \"different.\" I\'m moving into that as well and the weight of the \"brick of grief and loss\" is not boulder size anymore. It is so very strange how it begins to happen and I cannot even name a date or time and perhaps that is not needed yet it has happened and is happening all at the same time... It\'s a relief to read that others are experiencing this as well and that you are dear Sarah. I have missed you yet certainly the pace of life for you at this time. Looking forward to more sharing and appreciate reading about your green Friday. Lots of love, Joanie
Love the quick \"update\" - but, you know - always wanting more of you! I\'m so glad your heart has sought a new level of peace and hope you can maintain this sweetness you\'ve described. Good Luck with all the \"stuff\" and come back when you can, soon! Love you Lovely...Suzzanne
Such a positive trip, so good for your soul. Just very happy that you are feeling a moving on with your grief, or should I say \"a movingin\" as your integration of beautiful Andy is coming along so deeply. Love the river, love the movement. love ya, abby
\'Rah ... *RIVER* ... full circle moment, UB40 (hmmm, IB40, lol) playing for Andy ... \"Many Rivers To Cross\" ... and look at your deep gentle river of recent ... ahhh, let there be peace ... flow on sister.
I heart you.
De
Congrats on your 7lbs It seems your moving more forward less steps backwards, a milestome.. Hope the house does well the market is funny right now.
Dreams are great it is good for the heart and soul..
Hugs Penny
That\'s great Sarah. I am so glad you feel sort of lighter in your soul & heart and have had some Andy Dreams. I love having dreams of Tamzin for sure & have them from all his different ages, well or sick, but most of the sick dreams were sooner after he had died. These days most of my dreams of Tam are with him as a little sweet boy, cos he was.
The little boy dreams are as much \'really him\' as the grown up dreams..I miss him at all ages too. You describe it all so well Sarah. Thank you xxxxx
LOts of LOve & More cuddly Andy dreams to you xxxx
Hi Sarah...I am glad to hear that you are doing okay...that the grief is different. You seem to recognize how it runs deep...and that there will be times that you revisit it closely...but it truly sounds like it is different. I think it is because you have truly explored it, felt it...lived it...so good for you. Take gentle care of yourself...but come back as soon as you can...cause we miss you! Love and hugs...Karen
.....the trip sounds like it was so important in a lot of ways.....more true steps into a better place on your journey of a thousand miles. glad for your good dreams of Andy.....wishing your peace and love and life....xo
So glad you had a wonderful dream of Andy. Love and peace, Linda
Sarah I\'m so glad you are feeling good. Andy doesn\'t want you to be sad. I truly do believe that when we dream of our departed loved ones it\'s a visit from them. I can tell the difference in my dreams. Sending you love and prayers, Terry