great weekend, friends, sunshine, brownies...

We had friends over today. We sat on the porch over iced tea and brownies,... and chatted and laughed and felt the sunshine and the breeze... And I was ME, without the fog of alcohol. Without the  need to keep at it, talk, laugh, drink, run, pour, hide, laugh too loud, say too much, go too far... I was just me.   I had to talk myself through it at times. And I had to remind myself to slow down, just enjoy this lovely, lovely, grown-up moment... I am a grown-up. I have friends. I have good times. This is what it's about. Sigh... It wasn't easy though, the part about hostessing and entertaining, I'm not exactly SMOOTH at that part... I was nervous, and I wasn't sure how to offer food or drinks or stuff...  onaccounta I have "issues" with both... and also I didn't have a few drinks in me to smooth out the wrinkles... But what I did have was improved listening skills,  I actually let other people talk and make funny comments, it didn't have to be ME ME ME. I did have to remind myself to tone it down a bit, let other people talk, take time to listen and laugh at their stuff... appreciate them.... I did that. But I had to remind myself to do so. Hopefully it will come more naturally later, now that I'm aware of it, and how good it feels afterwards... When our friends left, I got really tired. Really, abnormally tired. Like it had been a strain to be... human... HAR!! Oh well, I'm new at it... I fell asleep on the couch. I woke up when my son was climbing on me, trying to snuggle in for the night. Lately he hasn't wanted much snuggling, he's been trying to grow up himself... But last night he wanted held. Me too.