Great...
Been holding it together again all day. Things getting more and more overwhelming the longer I hold it all in...and then 'crack!'I was about to leave to go home after day patients today and felt like I was going to cry. Went to the bathrooms and just broke down again. I came out and went to go home again and one of the other patients asked me if I was OK and that was it, off I went again. One of the day patient staff came out and asked if I wanted to see him so I did.I just told him I was feeling very alone, which was true. That's what was causing me to cry anyway. I thought about going home, sitting in my room again like I do night after night with all these thoughts going round my head, and not being able to talk. I also told him that I haven't told my Mum about the self harm and that I'm worried about next week (Brighton trip for my birthday). I just don't feel like I can cope with it and as it's getting closer I'm worrying about it more and more. Plus now I have the added stress of what do I wear considering I'm going to have to have long sleeves now! He asked me to try and talk to my Mum tonight and perhaps the friend I'm going away with. I said I would try but to be honest, I had no intention of doing it. I just wanted to get away. We have a catch up group tomorrow morning and he's said he will check out whether I was able to do it or not. He also said he was going to let my therapist know about the conversation we've had so he's aware of where I am at the moment. I was quite relieved when he said that.My therapist isn't there tomorrow afternoon and Day patients is closed next Monday because the staff are on a 'team building' day...poor things! It's going to be a long weekend :( and my next therapy session isn't until Wednesday. Needless to say I've been having strong urges to self harm again.Oh god....how much longer can I cope with this!
Replies
I\'m glad you told that staff person what\'s going on and he will let your therapist know. That will take some burden away from you. I just wish you would feel comfy enough to let your therapist in on everything. How else can he help you? And don\'t worry about the long sleeves - it\'s winter anyway. It would be so nice if you could just look forward to your trip and not worry about anything but I know that\'s pretty much impossible. Just try to think of the fun things you will do there.