Graduation
I had my Clinical Pastoral Education (CPE) graduation yesterday. I now have one unit of CPE. It felt strange not going in to the hospital today. I am writing on here because I know people here will understand what it is like to have people ask you, "So, what's next for you?" And, then responding with, "I don't know."
To be fair, nobody knows what their future holds. Yet, there are those who can plan and have a pretty good chance of living out whatever it is they have planned. There were four people in my graduating group and each one of the others has a plan. My plan is to live the best I can.
One very kind and well meaning individual spoke to me after graduation and asked me more pointedly what I was going to do. I explained that I had a chronic illness and wasn't sure what I would be able to do, but that I was hoping to find something part-time that I could manage. He said something about having a chronic illness and that you have to keep living and he has cancer...
Okay, I admit, I continued to listen but my mind kind of checked out a little bit. It was one of those times when I thought, "Good for you. But I am not you." I tried to explain something about trying to push the boundaries of my limitations back a little bit at a time to see how much I could do and then maybe push a little bit more, but I could tell by the look in his eyes that he didn't comprehend what I was trying to say, so I stopped talking and just let him give me his advice.
I am always reminding myself to not compare myself with other people. I don't know what his life is like, but I wish he hadn't compared his to mine. I also met a nice woman at the hospital with rheumatoid arthritis who works long hours and is on a clinical trial for meds, etc. I look at her and wonder if I could work longer if I just tried....
But you see, it doesn't work to compare ourselves to anyone else's life, or their illnesses, or what any of us can or cannot do.
Well, I didn't plan to talk about that. I was going to talk about my graduation. Maybe next time. haha It was a nice day and I had a wonderful experience. The conversation I describe above was a very small part of my day.
carry on,
katy
To be fair, nobody knows what their future holds. Yet, there are those who can plan and have a pretty good chance of living out whatever it is they have planned. There were four people in my graduating group and each one of the others has a plan. My plan is to live the best I can.
One very kind and well meaning individual spoke to me after graduation and asked me more pointedly what I was going to do. I explained that I had a chronic illness and wasn't sure what I would be able to do, but that I was hoping to find something part-time that I could manage. He said something about having a chronic illness and that you have to keep living and he has cancer...
Okay, I admit, I continued to listen but my mind kind of checked out a little bit. It was one of those times when I thought, "Good for you. But I am not you." I tried to explain something about trying to push the boundaries of my limitations back a little bit at a time to see how much I could do and then maybe push a little bit more, but I could tell by the look in his eyes that he didn't comprehend what I was trying to say, so I stopped talking and just let him give me his advice.
I am always reminding myself to not compare myself with other people. I don't know what his life is like, but I wish he hadn't compared his to mine. I also met a nice woman at the hospital with rheumatoid arthritis who works long hours and is on a clinical trial for meds, etc. I look at her and wonder if I could work longer if I just tried....
But you see, it doesn't work to compare ourselves to anyone else's life, or their illnesses, or what any of us can or cannot do.
Well, I didn't plan to talk about that. I was going to talk about my graduation. Maybe next time. haha It was a nice day and I had a wonderful experience. The conversation I describe above was a very small part of my day.
carry on,
katy
Replies
Katy,
Congratulations!! : ) I\'m glad you had a nice day and what an encouragement that you were able to finish the program! You said it beautifully, \"My plan is to live the best I can.\" I take those words to heart and may communicate them to others as well in the future. You are a blessing as usual. : )
Peace,
Brent
Sometimes that one whacks me over the head, too. What am I doing in life, what are my plans, can\'t I just get moving on things?
I think it\'s part of the whole Denial thing. We imagine we can be like everyone else, and we don\'t want to accept the reality that we are not. Like you said, it\'s best not to think those thoughts and compare our life, such as it is, to anyone else\'s life.
I just ignore those thoughts, and they go away after a while.
I find it comforting to think that some helpful spirit is trying to goad me out of the doldrums of my life, a spirit that doesn\'t understand what it means to be sick and limited in you can do. Whether that\'s what\'s actually going on, I don\'t know, but it helps to think of things that way. It seems more positive.
I\'m sorry this took some of the luster out of your happy day. Congratulations on a great accomplishment.
Congratulations Katy that is an achievement. I find it hard too when I think about the future. I would love to be able to create dreams and goals like I used to....but life has changed and I can\'t do what I used to be able to do. I found when I thought about my old goals I felt sad and a sense of loss. Instead I\'m trying to adjust and create new ones based on an illness that has so much instability about it. And yes, I get sick of the conversations where people don\'t get it even though they mean well.They think if you just push through it or see this motivational person speak (yah) or change your mind set or \"get happy\" then you\'ll get healthy....Gosh, don\'t even start me on that one.... PEM/PEF (post exertional malaise or fatigue) really is such a distinguishing feature of this illness...only also seen in one other disease I believe (could be wrong but this is what Dr Cheney said) - cardiomyitis (probably spelt that wrong as tired)..interesting huh? Hmmmm....Blessings, Jodi.