GRRRR!
First of all- MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL! I hope today brings peace, joy, love, hope and whatever the hell else it's supposed to bring, lol!
Well the whole eating better thing is really screwy. The first day was fine, but the second day, yesterday (it is 2 in the morning now, ha!) was not so successful. I had soup and hot cocoa in the morning, an orange for a snack, and then a little over a cup of spaghetti and two slices of garlic bread. I also ran on the treadmill. I totaled my calories for the day and it is a little under a thousand. Why can't I get this right for God's sake?!
Today we are going out for Chinese food. I really don't wanna go. I'm anxious because I have no idea what to eat there. I wish we could go somewhere else so I could get a salad or a wrap and feel good about it but nothing is open so we are stuck with Chinese. =(
Been on kinda shaky ground lately. Not awful, but feeling anxious and kinda bitter about the whole A thing. Not wanting her back, but just kinda pissed she gets to have a relationship when she treated me like crap for the last part of ours. Oh well, I suppose it's an improvement from crying. Anger > sadness!
I really am excited to find someone at college, but I'm afraid of it being my main focus. It won't affect my grades or anything, but I don't want to judge my college success by how quickly I find love. I don't know how to just be satisfied! Sigh...
Well again, hope everyone has a beautiful day and let me know your thoughts on this! Much love xo
Well the whole eating better thing is really screwy. The first day was fine, but the second day, yesterday (it is 2 in the morning now, ha!) was not so successful. I had soup and hot cocoa in the morning, an orange for a snack, and then a little over a cup of spaghetti and two slices of garlic bread. I also ran on the treadmill. I totaled my calories for the day and it is a little under a thousand. Why can't I get this right for God's sake?!
Today we are going out for Chinese food. I really don't wanna go. I'm anxious because I have no idea what to eat there. I wish we could go somewhere else so I could get a salad or a wrap and feel good about it but nothing is open so we are stuck with Chinese. =(
Been on kinda shaky ground lately. Not awful, but feeling anxious and kinda bitter about the whole A thing. Not wanting her back, but just kinda pissed she gets to have a relationship when she treated me like crap for the last part of ours. Oh well, I suppose it's an improvement from crying. Anger > sadness!
I really am excited to find someone at college, but I'm afraid of it being my main focus. It won't affect my grades or anything, but I don't want to judge my college success by how quickly I find love. I don't know how to just be satisfied! Sigh...
Well again, hope everyone has a beautiful day and let me know your thoughts on this! Much love xo
Replies
Merry Christmas!!!!!!
I\'m sorry that the eating is a bit wacko right now, but what with everything that\'s going on in your life, I\'m not surprised!! High stress time!!
What do you mean when you ask \'why can\'t I get this right\'? Do you feel you should have eaten more? Or less?
\'Normal\' is about 1500 calories a day, isn\'t it? Is that what you shoot for?
I think your eating disorder should give you a day off for Christmas!!!!! Just let you go to the Chinese restaurant and enjoy a tasty meal!!!
However it goes, keep reminding yourself that this is just one meal!!! Don\'t let it become more than it is!!! No matter what, it won\'t throw you seriously off track!!!
Ha!!!! About A!! Just this morning I was thinking about my exhusband. We have to see each other occasionally, because of my son. We\'re polite to each other, but there\'s no interest or affection.
I was giving that some thought. If he had told me that he had fallen out of love with me but still treated me well and with respect, we\'d probably be friends today. (Even if it was the kind of friend you never make a point of being in contact with. But still. Friendly.)
But it was the way he treated me at the end. Very badly indeed. If I stop to think about it, it\'s hurtful. Well, actually, enough years have passed now so that it\'s not really hurtful. It\'s more like I have the MEMORY of its having been hurtful. And all I feel now when I think about it -- which isn\'t often -- is just a sense of regret that he chose to act the way that he did.
I don\'t think that time heals all wounds, but it heals most of them and helps lessen the pain for most of the ones that don\'t heal.
I never cared what my exhusband had or didn\'t have, after we divorced, so I can\'t walk a mile in your shoes when it comes to you resenting A\'s having moved on being in a relationship. But I\'m sorry that it distresses you and I hope that feeling passes, with time.
When it comes to relationships, don\'t worry about being in one. The important part is to be in the RIGHT one!!!!
Relationships are funny. Honest to gosh, it seems like it\'s when you quit LOOKING for one, that\'s when one seems to find you!!!
You\'re very wise to recognize that finding someone shouldn\'t be your main focus.
You\'re very wise in many ways!!! Let that serve you well!!!
Yes. Being satisfied. That\'s what they say. It\'s not getting what you want, it\'s being happy with what you have. Sounds so easy, but it\'s so easy to slip out of that mindset!!!
I guess it just means that we\'ll be happier if we stay mindful of all the things that we are grateful for!!
Have a wonderful Christmas day, Megan!!!! Rejoice in it!!!! (((((Hugs)))))