grrrr

deleted_user 06/22/2011
It absolutely is unfair. It sucks. I understand completely. I feel like I can\'t even remember the old me. Or, maybe it\'s more like I never even met the \"real me\" before I got hurt. It injured my back when i was 19... before that I\'d spent two years dealing with an addiction. Just when I got clean and thought my life was on the right track, thought I was going to be able to start LIVING... BAM! (literally- i fell down a two flights of metal stairs- although it was probably some other traumas combined with that incident that caused everything- the pain didn\'t start right away either, so who knows), one day i realized i couldn\'t stand in front of the sink long enough to brush my teeth without terrible back pain. And that was the end of \"normal.\" Can I ask how long you\'ve been dealing with chronic pain? And what exactly happened? Or is this something you\'ve always had? I don\'t know much about pelvic floor dysfunction (although i\'m about to hit google when i finish this). On top of my back problems, I also apparently have endometriosis, so I get some pelvic pain thrown in there as well. Fun. It sounds like your doc is taking a very aggressive approach to treating you... so many treatments in two days. Is any of it helping?

I also know how hard chronic pain can be on a relationship. As women, we\'re natural caretakers. Even so, I think it would be hard if my partner had a pain issue. So I think it\'s REALLY hard for a man to deal with. Men are fixers, so it\'s not easy for them to deal with chronic pain since they absolutely cannot do a thing to fix it. I\'ve been lucky to have a wonderful guy who really takes care of me. He helps me get dressed, helps me out of the shower, does almost all of the cooking and cleaning. I appreciate him immensely, but I HATE that he has to do all of that. I want to take care of him. Or I want us to take care of each other. I hate that it\'s so one-sided. I hate that I can\'t do more. But I just thank god everyday for him... we\'ve been together for ten years, so i guess he\'s willing to stick around for all of it. :) It definitely takes a toll on our relationship, both emotionally and sexually. After so many times of trying to have sex where every little thing hurts my back (or the sex itself hurts thanks to the endo), I think a guy kind of gives up. We have like no sex life now. I\'m 27 with no sex life!! It makes me want to pull out my hair. Are you having similar relationship issues? Is your significant other understanding about your pain?

Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that I can totally relate. You\'ve come to the right place. Lately I haven\'t been posting here often, but it\'s always good to be able to read other people\'s stories and to know you\'re not alone. I\'m trying to get more involved on here again. The summer is always hard for me emotionally and physically, so I\'ll need support. I hope you stick around. I look forward to getting to know you. :)

fisherkid04 06/22/2011
To start thank you. The problems physically are mostly vaginally related. I have had 4 kidney stones in the 4 years of high school, so in april 2008 (i was 20) when the pain started in my right side i figured it was another. the urologist i went to said it was not and ran every test he could and said he could no longer help me. i was then sent to gyno where they did every ultrasound and test they had. no luck. from there i was sent to a GI where i was tested for IBS, chrons, full work up, lost 20 lbs during all the cleaning for the tests. i even swallowed a camera pill. from there i was sent to a general surg who told me it was def a rare hernia from my appendix removal as a kid. december 2009 was when i had laposcopic surgery, and in the follow up the surgeon appologized and said there was completely nothing wrong with my insides and he was sorry for putting scars on my stomach, which i was very upset about. from there i was sent to a pain specialist who did multiple injections into my appendix scar and had 4 lumbar epiderals in 6 months. i also had 3 mris on my back and hip within the time that all came back normal. his final attempy was in oct 2010 and sent me back to gyno who did a full work up on fertility issues and every thing was still normal. but thank god, a womens hospital opened in omaha and the specialist i see has studied pelvic floor pain.
also adding to the multiple drs, i have been seeing a chiropractor that is also a neurologist. after about a year of seeing him, he disclosed to me his wifes pelvic problems and informed me to research that as well. i also ses a massage therapist to work out the leg muscles that tighten up.

I have to say that the improvement to my life physical has improved. each week i see the chiro, then a physical therapist that works internal on my pelvic floor muscles, i then see the specialist who gives me both internal and external lidocaine injections and from there i see a sex therapist that helps cope and learn to live differently to improve the pain. although the treatment is incredible painful, all of my drs meet once a week and work together in my treatment so noone is pushing to hard and the decisions are left up to me.

relationship wise, i had a boyfriend when this all began. he himself had some issues in the sex dept, which my drs feel may have been a very large contributor to my pain. at the time this all began, we were living together and planning our lives. but as it went on the abuse (i wasnt beaten or anything) and the fact that he just didnt want to be with someone broken i left. at 21 i moved in with my dying grandparents to start over from the end of my relationships, as well as the fact that no one else in the family could find time to help them to drs. i was a full time student, waited tables (which DID NOT help the pain) and spent my evenings cooking and cleaning for my grandparents. after yet another family blow out, at 22 i had to get back on my own. the family is my trigger and enough was enough. with the epiderals, the pain was less for a few months so i jumped the gun and got my own place.
within 1 month of moving, my job had to let me go becuz i was physically no longer able to perform the tasks of my jobs. with in the 2 years i have been dealing with this i have been let go from 5 jobs not becuz they didnt loke me, i was just to unreliable and unhealthy. i know work for a wondeful company that i get to work from home and got fmla after training so i have been there 9 months now and even with all the days i take leave of absence im still getting trained and managed to move up
In aug i met the best guy i have ever known. the previous BOY i was with was always telling me my expectations and needs were too much and no man will ever be what i want. FALSE my bf now is great. like yours, for the last 8 months he has taken such great care of me. i feel sooooo guilty for the things that i go through, becuz all the pain and treatments are causing very little times its possible to be physically together. and on top of all the treatmenst my parents have worked my entire life to control me, the guilt of being the screw up or the blame of everyones problems. the days i feel bad all i want to do is call my mom and have her just listen and say i lvoe u and thats it. but from her, who is not completely emotionally stable, her answer is go on antidepressants and ull be all fixed. my father, as well as my bf\'s family, say pain is all in your head and just tough it out.
i am still living in my apartment. in jan when the dr tried the 1st internal injection i had bad bleed out and they thought i would lose a leg, he decided he was moving in. he told me i was the strongest person he knows and the love of his life and the next day he moved in and has been treating me amazing. its just so hard becuz im not a lovey dovey person and i cant make him dinner and do his laundry, and we cant be physical that sometimes it baffles me y he wants to stay. he is in he twenties and he should be living life, not taking care of me. some of the fear is letting myself get close again and then he does think it over and hes gone.
he is right about one thing, i am strong and i just spent forever rambling about myself which is weird cuz even when i want to talk about me to my family, the subject gets changed quickly.
today my procedure was for mirena, which if u have not had it it one of the most painful things ever. its suppose to help my testorone levels and decrease the pain internally. mentally im just working on mourning the changes in my family dynamic and as much as my bf loves me, he is a male and will not understand it. and older women that know, my moms a gossip, usually say things like wait til u have a baby. from what the drs say that should be a walk in the park. i just hope this doesnt mess up my chances for kids. they are my passion and yet another thing this pain has put on hold. (working on my second degree but with this and working full time its hard.)
i try to stay positive the therapist suggested this and for the 1st time this week i feel less lost. thanks for reading my novel :)