Got it off my chest

The day I signed my divorce papers was a bad day.  My X and I got into a screaming fight on the phone and it really upset me.  Up to this point I have kept it very amicable.....as far as everyone else is concerned, I've been too nice considering what he's done.  But it was my choice from the beginning to not allow anger to seep back into my life when I had let it all go last February.  I just didn't want to be angry anymore.  Of course, on the very last day of our marriage, all hell broke loose.   He can thank his lawyer for that and I told him as much.   My X and I had agreed the night before that my spousal support would start when he started paying me instead of the day of the divorce; which is standard for all divorces.    He wasn't happy about this, but at least he agreed.  On the day we were to sign the papers, his lawyer told him not to allow this.  That it's unheard of and he's given me everything I've asked for and he should not give in to this request.   That's when the shouting began.  I told him that he "tore my f&*king life apart and that I deserve this" and a few other choice words.  But in the end my X signed the papers allowing spousal support to start when he started paying me.  This could be 2 or 3 years down the road, but from that point it will last 8 years. By pure coincidence, we both ended up at my lawyers office at the exact same time to sign the new divorce papers.  They had to be redrafted with this new clause.  While we were in the waiting room, I took the opportunity to get a few things off my chest with my X. I told him I still couldn't believe he was doing this and that I hope he was proud of himself for tearing our marriage and our family apart. I told him I hope SHE was worth it. I told him that I'm disappointed in his family who forgot about me and the kids as if we never existed.   I told him that I would have been better off with his sister's in-laws because they still include her in their family after her divorce from their son and that at least she still has a family. I told him that I knew as far as he was concerned that he made his decision that he was done on January 1, 2008, but I also told him that I didn't think it was pure coincidence that his "girl friends" divorce was final the very next day.  He didn't know I knew about that. I asked him if he knew his daughter had a track meet that very day and he said "No,  it's not like they (our kids) talk to me."  I told him that I thought that was pitiful.  He then said he texts or emails them once a week and I told him he's a liar.  They tell me about every text and they show me every email and it's not even close to once a week.  He asked why they would do that and I replied because we are close and they tell me everything.  We have no secrets between the 3 of us. I also told him that the fact his kids won't talk to him should tell him something about what he's done.   I told him he's got until next Wednesday, which is garbage day, to get all his fish and venison out of my freezers.  If he doesn't, I'm throwing them away.  He replied that he doesn't have a place to freeze them and I said I don't care, either you come and get them or they go out with the garbage on Wednesday. I asked him point blank what it is that he and his lawyer think I've gotten when he say's "you've given her everything she asked for".   My X couldn't even come up with an answer....this is because I haven't gotten anything from him and he knows it.   While we were signing the papers, I asked my lawyer if the actual divorce date was when we saw the judge on March 11 or today, April 3.  She replied it was today.  I then said in front of her and my X that "our marriage lasted exactly 21 years since our anniversary is on April 9th.  Too bad we couldn't have waited another 6 days so we could have our wedding anniversary and our divorce anniversary on the same day".  He just looked at me. As you can see I was obviously still angry from the fight we had just a few hours before.  I wanted to tell him what has been on my mind and I was able to do that.  I know it doesn't affect him as he could care less, but I'm glad I was able to get it off my chest. It wasn't an easy day.  As a matter of fact, I haven't cried that hard in a very long time but it was more of the losing control of my anger that upset me.  I just didn't want to do that and the fact that I did really bothered me.  The truth is I probably should have lashed out at him a long time ago.....for myself, I should've let it out a long time ago. But it's out now, and it's completely over and it's time to move on and heal my heart.  The less I see and hear from him, the better I'll be.  The past is behind me now and I know I'll be just fine regardless of what my future brings.    I still got the best part of the whole deal.....my kids.  Nothing he could ever have in the future can even come close to comparing to that.