Got a lot done today
06/ 12/ 11
I got a lot of work done today. I fixed some problems with my game demos on my website and I think I am ready to re-launch it soon. Once I've done that it will be time to get back to job hunting. I know that it sounds dumb but I feel like all the stress in my life will just melt away once I get a job designing videogames. Videogames have gotten me through a lot. I doubt I would still be here if not for my will to get a degree in game design. Once I get hired that will be a huge weight off of my shoulders.
My brother paid us a visit today. I feel horrible writting this down, but I really feel like I never loved him like brothers should. I feel like he has always been a negative character in my life and I always feel strange when he is around. Not many people can make me really mad, like hurt someone mad, but he is the only one who can. We are just such opposite people that I try to avoid him when he is home most of the time. I hope god can forgive me for how I feel about him.
I still haven't asked the girl at my work out. GOD she is cute! When she put her arm around me the other day I just about went crazy. I couldn't move or do anything, I never can. Girls have tried to hug me or hold my hand before and I can never do much of anything back. I just get really choked up with emotion and freeze. Its because the two sides of my mind are fighting like crazy when a girl comes in contact with me. One side wants to just grab her and hold her like there is no tomorrow while the other wants to push her off and go back to work. I can't afford to keep freezing like this, one side has to win at some point.
As far as my goals go I am still going strong. I was tempted a few times today but I made it through alright. Still free of sweets and chips. I feel good about that at least. Like I said, a lot got done today. What was not done is what is haunting my mind though.
I got a lot of work done today. I fixed some problems with my game demos on my website and I think I am ready to re-launch it soon. Once I've done that it will be time to get back to job hunting. I know that it sounds dumb but I feel like all the stress in my life will just melt away once I get a job designing videogames. Videogames have gotten me through a lot. I doubt I would still be here if not for my will to get a degree in game design. Once I get hired that will be a huge weight off of my shoulders.
My brother paid us a visit today. I feel horrible writting this down, but I really feel like I never loved him like brothers should. I feel like he has always been a negative character in my life and I always feel strange when he is around. Not many people can make me really mad, like hurt someone mad, but he is the only one who can. We are just such opposite people that I try to avoid him when he is home most of the time. I hope god can forgive me for how I feel about him.
I still haven't asked the girl at my work out. GOD she is cute! When she put her arm around me the other day I just about went crazy. I couldn't move or do anything, I never can. Girls have tried to hug me or hold my hand before and I can never do much of anything back. I just get really choked up with emotion and freeze. Its because the two sides of my mind are fighting like crazy when a girl comes in contact with me. One side wants to just grab her and hold her like there is no tomorrow while the other wants to push her off and go back to work. I can't afford to keep freezing like this, one side has to win at some point.
As far as my goals go I am still going strong. I was tempted a few times today but I made it through alright. Still free of sweets and chips. I feel good about that at least. Like I said, a lot got done today. What was not done is what is haunting my mind though.
Replies
ur gonna do it keep it up k!
u kno, we all say that...when we get to this we will be happy...like in the past i used to think, as soon as i get into college i will be happy and satisfied...now i am at college i think like, as soon as i move out i will be happy...then when i will move out God knows what i want next! this is life...u tell urself, as soon as i get a career in videogames i will be happy...but i am sure that as soon as u get there, somethin new will show up...if we dont do that the whole time, life will be hopeless and limited...and just meaninless...
about feelin what ur feelin about ur brother...i feel just the same about my mother... i guess it hurts because we are tied to them somehow... we share things together...so they can hurt us the most... i used to feel bad for not so likin her, i dont want to use the word hate.... but then i found out that, she is the one who made me feel this way about her... her actions are the ones which made me feel this way... i can only control my reaction to her actions... so i really hate her actions... dont worry hun, i am sure that God understands this all and doesnt blame u for ur natural feelings...
about the last part, that made me laugh out loud...poor Jordan...looool... girls express themselves through words, thats why they rant the WHOLE
opps i pressed the add button by mistake...
i was sayin, thats why they rant the WHOLE time...but as for guys...they use their bodies... so i really congratulate u for puttin up with all of this \"hottness\" thats goin on ur workplace, lol....maybe u need to imagine the situation and train ur reaction... but its not ur mistake that she is not respectin the body language rules! like who is she to hold u like that? and if u did somethin she doesnt like she might make a whole scene and then ur the one to blame!! plus, remember that, most of the girls, to be accepted as girls, they must fake this whole cuteness... and if she is THAT cute, then make sure that OTHER men are not CRAZY about her as well and that she doesnt hugs, EVERYONE the way she hugs u...
take care hun... try everythin out, but dont hang ur life on it... be cool... =)