Got a call yesterday,now there is a whisper of hope

Good morning journal,the time is now 9:05am and I have been fully awake for just over an hour after a night of interrupted sleep and painful cramps in the muscles I have left,(I am discovering that atrophy,muscle wastage,is not nice). It is getting more difficult to stand for any prolonged length of time,if I walk around it is a little easier,but after a few yards I normally have to stop to get my breath and rest my legs by sitting down on the nearest suitable perch,if that's a wall,a bench or a tree stump I'll take it!. Journeys outside our home have turned into rather long ordeals at times,if I have an appointment for a certain time I have to leave very early in order to get there on time,if time is not a factor,then it is somewhat easier as I can stop and rest whenever I feel the need,which is often. Anyway journal,I have news!,yesterday I received a telephone call from a lady called Cathy Bradshaw,she is a mental health specialist,and she came across my case notes whilst looking through files in her role as team leader. We had a lengthy conversation in which she expressed concern that my regular therapist is still off work long term which means that I'm not receiving the help she feels I need at the moment.After asking me about my visit to the psychiatrist and my general demeanor,she said that she didn't think my present medication was doing the job they were meant to be doing. She also said I sounded "flat and monotone",whatever that means,and asked when my next visit to my doctor was,I told her and then asked her to talk to my wife as I had the feeling she both wanted and needed to have her input considered. My wife and Ms Bradshaw spent the next ten or fifteen minutes talking,after which she put the phone down and told me what had been said. Apparently,Ms Bradshaw thinks I may have been one of those unfortunates that has somehow "slipped through the net",so to speak,she feels that after the initial care I received I was "dropped",to use her own description,and she wasn't happy about it. She is going to call me back on July 31st to see what happened on my visit to the doctor and,depending what happened then,was considering moving me up to the next level of mental health care,secondary mental health,which would give me my own mental health team rather than just one person who sees me once a month. Specialist advice and help from dedicated professional people,not that John,my therapist,is not qualified,she just feels that I need more than he is able to give me,which right now is nothing as he has been sick for over a month. I haven't seen anyone connected with the mental health side of things for two months almost,except for my one brief visit to Dr Ashfaq the psychiatrist on July 2nd,and that was only for one hour,a visit that I personally think achieved nothing in a positive sense,and gave me none of the answers that I was searching for. My wife was very enthusiastic in her praise of Ms Bradshaw,and I could sense the hope in her voice,she has asked to come with me when I see the doctor on July 25th and I have said that I would like that very much,I sometimes forget to ask things when I am there or find it difficult to explain my behavior or how I am feeling,remembering things I wanted to ask or tell him only after I have left his office. This morning though,I have at least a whisper of hope in my soul,and that is a good,good feeling!,perhaps now,in the next month or two at least,I can be put on medication which eases my mental illness,for that is what it is,and I can start to feel a little better. With the help of a dedicated mental health team I can perhaps move on a little and start to live again,baby steps,but steps nonetheless;the COPD I can do very little about,the atrophy which has ravaged my body,I can perhaps do something about,but my mental instability is the biggest drawback in my attempts to get on with my life in any productive and positive sense.My wife and Ms Bradshaw talked about the possibility of me being bipolar,if I turn out to be,there is help available,it is treatable with the right combination of medication,so that again gives me hope.My voices are still active in my head,and they have become friends to me now and I really think I would miss them now if they weren't there,how strange is that?,anyway journal,enough for now,it is enough that our home has hope within it's walls,and,more importantly within my soul,we move forward,and may God bless us all.