GOOD MEMORIES
It occurs to me when many of us can't seem to feel the comfort and joy and only feel emptiness and gloom... Maybe it is a good time to share a favorite GOOD MEMORY.
In my case I would like to share that they can stiill happen, even amidst dyfunction. I am remembering years ago after my Mom past very suddenly , but quite afew more had past. My Dad wound up in counseling.... I would also be advised to go through a family program for ACOAs. Then in aftercare, it was suggested to try to find ways now to spend time with family and replace some of the bad times with good. So that is what we did.
I love to cook and bake (especially cookies over the holidays) So my 70 yr old Dad, 25 yr old brother and myself did get to baking the doughs I fixed ahead of time. Surprisingly, it went very well. With help I got done in less time it would take me on my own. They were each prepping, dropping and rolling cookies and filling the sheets. As I recall, my kid bro did like to roll balls... snickerdoodles dipped in cinnamon sugar, peanut butter he could smash with a fork. Both would help drop choc chip and roll the thumbprints (but I had to roll them in nuts as they did not want sticky fingers) Dad's favorite would be everyone's favorite cookie (but my least favorite to make as it can sometimes be hard to work with. needs lots of flour to roll out. ) I would roll out so much at a time. He would carefully figure out which of the many cutters he wanted to place. He had a ball. (I must admit it did frustrate me a tad at first as you need to work quickly as this dough gets warm it may stick to the cutting board... add the fact that he did not have the cutters tight against so I was rolling forever it seemed. ) Til all was said and done, he also wanto to help ice and decorate them as well.
For the next couple years we did continue the tradition. I think of him now as I struggle to make the cookies for all that I always do. I thought of trying to plan a day to do this with the little ones and their mom, but they are always so busy, I will just do on my own I guess.
Replies
That’s such a great memory. It’s wonderful you had that time with him. My dad was an alcoholic and he missed out on so much with us. He never got his act together, ever.
I had some really dark experiences growing up but honestly time and perspective have smoothed out a lot of those edges and now I can look upon memories from that time as neither good nor bad but just what happened, an accounting.
I was thinking about trauma recently and how people can choose to sit in the trauma or stay stuck in it or they can choose to walk through it. I had a moment today after sharing on DS one of a few childhood/family traumas. I hadn’t thought about it in a long time. Reflecting on it, I realize all that has occurred in my life since has been just an exercise in walking through the trauma to the other side. The other side is what I longed for growing up and here I am. There have been ups and downs along the way of course but the miracle is the present. Standing here and now.... it’s good to be alive. And I’ve got my issues but all things considered I am ok. So memories are tricky for me because I spent most of my life trying to manage the present or looking ahead.
Anyway, I had some wonderful experiences in my life along with the trauma. Life is not all one thing. I traveled quite bit and those are great memories to reflect on. Did that mostly by myself. I mean, my own company is pretty awesome, haha!
Best family memories are probably the ones that were my mom’s favorite memories., like my mom and I dancing in our dining room when I was like 13. She brought that up all the time. Even when her Alzheimer’s started, she could recall that. That I could make her happy for a little bit was everything as a kid.
Awww. And that is a good thing. I think sometimes in our dysfunction, we kids do often give our mom's the occasional smile and good memories that our neglectful alcoholic fathers don't.
My mom and all women in our family centered their life around hubby and kids.
Is a very great thing that you did not lose yourself. That is part of why I kept hanging on I think.
I had no children and an unhappy marriage, but I no longer consider my life a failure. So that is progress
Nope not failure at all, Kim. I’m married but never thought I would be. Not even sure I wanted to. Still question it on some days, haha! Just one of those things. Life is full of surprises. No kids either. That was something I chose though.
It’s just life. People say live and learn but it’s the other way around. Learn and live after that. That IS progress.